A Game of Pain

life is like a game
a game that causes pain
two people taken away from me
in a couple of months
now I wonder who's going
to be next within the next couple
of months
my head is spinning I can't
think straight
it feels like I've been put in
a straight jacket and taken away
I'm out of my dreams wishing I
could go back
now I'm in reality facing my biggest fear
so hostile and vicious
but so silent you wouldn't know it's here
it doesn't discriminate
it doesn't even care if you just turned eight
it's killing faster and faster
its name is cancer

25 Years

I hear gun shot
I see gun shot
flicker on and off
in the middle of
battle I see my
future flicker on
and off in my
future I see myself
in jail behind
the bar 25 years
of pain and sorrow
but there is a chance
to change the outcome
in my future.

Energy

rest
doesn't mean sleep
sleep is just falling
down a steep hill
through a dark tunnel
to another reality
rest
is your mind in a blank
your body has no motion
not even breath
so I hope to never rest
just to sleep
just to fall into my other realities
and let them fall into mine
let all of me, my other me's
rest at the same moment
and grow into
a willow tree

Intelligent Beast

have you ever met an
intelligent beast
well now you have
that's why when I walk
the streets I don't wear a mask
but you know I keep the lama
don't smoke no camels
I'm with vandals that they minds is always
plotting scandals
lions tigers bears we never scared
we got arrows for sparrows
and you right we don't care
ya'll can't relate so ya'll be hatin
I'm patiently waitin for one
soul to make a sound
get em torched like Jason
why we like this they ask
look at our past they wouldn't
give it to us now we
chase after cash
and we get it and the devils hate it
so they want us confined
it's not a curse that we curse
we losing our mind
this is from someone who
would know and I also
have a witness to
keep food on the table
they sold to them switches
welfare doesn't buy shoes
but money does
and the true money
for us on the streets it was
and our true thugs and dead
soldiers we reminisce
about the days way back
when there was such things
as friends over time
our heart become ire so
we don't make amends
we been tortured so much
we torture other men
it seems no one wants to help us
so we rob each other
just because he was only half blood
I seen someone rob his brother
stole from his mother
then split it with his stepfather
so later on he could get on
with his pops step-daughter
this game is so cruel you trust no
man I don't care if the
president said something I wouldn't
trust him this is smart if you
wanna live and later on
eat take these dark words
from an intelligent beast

Monster

Would you like it if the monster was calling your name every night, that he was so hard you can't take the pain? When he is going into the deepest, darkest place you can't say anything because it hurts and you are scared that he might kill you. You are a prisoner in his dungeon. He might take your mind in, use it under his control. What if that was you mans, your dad, you homeboy, or maybe your next door friend? Well let's say it's all of it. What can you do if they try to kill you then they come up with a plan and try to dominate you. Then you see the light and see a way out of all this mess and what if they say you can go and be free but then you think you're free because you hear this song? 1-2 they're coming for you. 3-4 they're coming through the door. 5-6. What's 5-6? There is no 5-6 because they did not let you go. That's the story of how the people you love can take the best of you. So if you've seen the monster, don't let them take you away, just walk away. But it might be hard because of what they might say. They might tell you that you are beautiful.

Always in Our Minds and Hearts

When I was 13 I was living with my dad. It was the beginning of the year; I was in the 7th grade. Then one night I was at home watching TV in the living room. It was 11:45, about to be midnight. I couldn't sleep for nothing that night. Then my phone was on the table and it started ringing. Somebody was calling me but I didn't know the number. The area code was from California. I picked it up and said hello. It was my older brother. He called me very upset and strange and he didn't sound the same when I heard his voice. Then he told me what happened. It was about my other older brother. He told me that he just got surgery and it went well. Then the doctor game him some medicine but that's when the doctor screwed up. He gave my brother the wrong medicine and the night he took it, he died and they found him dead on his bed. The police investigated and told us what happened. He was given the wrong medicine which caused this to happen to him. Every since that day me, my dad, my family, haven't been the same. A lot of things went downhill. I will alwayz remember the times he use to take care of me when I was a little baby and alwayz looked out for me and taught me a lot of things. When I was growing up he cared for me a lot. We had different moms but his mom loved me like her own son and never mistreated me. Also my brother. Sometimes I wonder why did God take him instead of me. He was a good student in the university at San Fransisco. He was a great person and he didn't deserve it. Me, my mom, stepmom, dad, my other two brothers, and my 2 older sisters will alwayz love him even if he's not here but he's alwayz in our minds and hearts no matter what.

Choices

Choices. OMG it's so hard to make the right choices at times. When I go home I plan to start my job and finish school and all but I know it's going to be hard for me to stay out of trouble. It's so irritating that some people think they know what's best for me or act like they want what's best for me but yet isn't there when I need them. Then they don't want me to be around people that I'm with most of the time but those are the ones who are there for me and yet they say they have my best interest but I think, "Ah well". I guess I kinda know it's best cause in the moment they're there contributing to what I'm doing or not doing anything to stop what's going on then at the end of the day try to judge someone. I despise fake people. I'd rather you keep it 100 with me even on my worst days. Don't make a promise you can't keep.