Going Home

It's funny--sometimes it feels I'm never going to get to go home because they keep on telling me a date and when that date comes I don't find myself getting prepared to go home but I find myself looking at the same four walls that I've been staring at the past eight months.

How to Learn Worse Stuff

I don't understand whey "they" can just hand out time for the stupidest stuff. By "they", I mean the judges, prosecutors, and P.O.s. whey they should just be like, "OK, so he smokes, he doesn't need 30 days wasted off his life for that." So what if I smoke a jay, nobody died today, nobody got robbed, stabbed, raped. So what give them the right to send you to group homes and detention centers where all the real criminals are. I mean since I've been on probation, I've met more robbers, drug dealers, and gang members that when I was walking the streets. It just doesn't make sense. Juvie is more like a school to learn how to do worse stuff than a place to make you change.

Two and a Half Months of My Life in JDC

Every day was the same day with the different moments of stress. I could have been making two hundred a week if I was around my sweet home, the two months took everything from me, such as family, money, education and loved ones. Every day felt like a year. I tried so hard to not put my hands on fellow inmates cause I understood it would have been much sever consequences for my unplanned actions. The only profit I gained was reading books, staying true to Allah, and also gaining weight, which I found out it was all muscle by the end of my time. The only thing I appreciated and will remember their words for the rest of my life would be my great teachers and also the great preaching of my staff. Their words changed a lot of my bad thoughts and actions. Thanks to my teachers and my few staff.

Leaving a Good Mark

Jan 29--A few days before I go downstate. But I'm writing to ya'll because I want to leave a good mark about me. I want ya'll to know just because ya'll are locked up, don't stop dreaming or wishing. Every day I think about how I done [messed] up my like because I wanted to rob someone. It's not worth spending your life in cages. That's what a cell is really. When I got locked up I lost everything but family.

Your Friends Are Your Consequences

Man, they pushed my court date back 21 days! I wanna go home because I miss my mother. She came by yesterday and we reminisced about the past. My good and bad times. My mother, along with Mr. Boone, were very right about who your friends are. My quote for today: "Your friends are your consequences."

Personal Reflection

I sure am tired of getting incarcerated. This is my last chance to do the right thing in the community. When I got to court on Feb. 4, the judge is either going to let me go home or put me in the New Beginnings program. I really don't want to go upstairs (New Beginnings). The judge has given me so many chances that I am starting to think that I can't stay out of trouble. I'm so tired of making my mother cry. Honestly, I don't think that she was a bad mother, but I'm starting to think I'm a bad son. I get a personal phone call today and I will finally get a chance to talk to my probation officer. I saw my social worker and she said that he told her I have a 50/50 chance of going home. I really hope I get to go home and show everyone especially my mom how good I can do. I don't know what to say to my probation officer because every time I get locked up I talk about how I'm going to turn over a new leaf and then a month later, here I am in Ms. Duckworth's class. I can't stand waiting even one more minute to talk to my probation officer to hear his recommendation for court. I really hope he will give me another chance at freedom. Plus, when I get out of JDC [Juvenile Detention Center] I don't even think I will be allowed to go back to my school and see all my friends. I have to go talk to Dr. Jointer (the superintendent of Alexandria City Public Schools). I'm supposed to talk to him and Feb 9. I really want to go home. In September I will be on my way to Virginia Beach to get my G.E.D. My social worker said that as long as I don't have any outstanding felonies I will be accepted to the program. It's on a military base so I think I have to cut my hair. I really don't want to cut my hair.

A Day On Jan 21st

On Jan 21st, I was detained at the Northern VA Detention Home, until my next court date on Feb. 4, for sentence. My lawyer said I shouldn't do no longer than the first week of March and I really hope so because I really need to get home with my family so I can get a job and teach my little sister the right thing. I need to get my education and stay on track and learn to love myself. I miss my family. I want to do good for my family and do better for the one that looks up to me.

I'm finally going home!!! =)

Today I’m super excited!!! I’m finally going home after a month and some change!!! I can’t even express how excited I am to be able to go outside, go back to my school, be able to talk to my friends, and see my family!!! The only thing that would make my day better would be if I could stay home for at least two days, to move my stuff from my old house into my granddads house, wash my clothes, wash my hair with my own shampoo and conditioner, not just some soapy stuff that dries out my hair and makes it fall out, wash my body with my own soap, not some cheap soap that dries out my skin, use my own lotion that soothes my skin and moisturizes it, and not some watery lotion that doesn’t do anything, use my own toothbrush, and toothpaste, that actually cleans, brightens and actually kills bacteria and makes your breath smell good, and not some nasty minty flavored paste that says toothpaste on the tube, and to actually be able to floss my teeth, and finally, be able to sleep in and finally, be able to sleep in my bed!!!!! I cant wait to be able to snuggle with all my teddy bears, and with my favorite pillow and blanket, and sleep with the new fluffy fuzzy tweety bird pajama pants my aunt bought me for Christmas, and be warm, and not have any lights on at all, just have it pitch black, not having to wake up to somebody kicking my mat to wake me up, but to the sound of the music of my alarm clock. I can’t wait to use my own brush, and use hair ties instead of rubber bands that pull out my hair and make it tangled and everything. I want to check my myspace, listen to slipknot, disturbed, F.O.B (fall out boy), I.C.P (insane clown posse), breaking Benjamin, three days grace, guns n’ roses, ac/dc, lynard skynard, All of my favorite bands, because I haven’t been able to listen to rock, or heavy metal, besides like one song, or when Ms. Chukwu lets us listen to music in her class. Over all, I just can’t wait to go home!!!!!!! This time, I’m going to keep my head up, and not listen to nobody except my authorities, my first instincts, and god. That way, I’m positive I can achieve everything I need to, to get off of probation and get my life going good again.

MY NEPHEW AND MY BOYFRiEND!!!

My Nephew

I miss my nephew so much.
I take care of my nephew all the time.
And I’m in here and I need to be home watching my nephew grow.
He’s 1 years old.
His dad is incarcerated and his dad isn’t coming home any time soon and I really need to be home with him
I miss changing his diapers.
Giving him baths and teaching him how to talk.
My nephew loves to talk to his dad on the phone and say bye-bye and dada.
And my nephew loves me. When he comes over my house the whole time he’s with his auntie and that’s me...
My parents get mad because he never wants to go to them...
After a while it’s hard to look at my nephew because he looks just like my brother.
And I miss my brother as well...
When me, my sister-in-law, and my nephew go to visit my brother my nephew always puts his hands on the glass and tries to open the glass to free my brother and he starts to cry when it doesn’t open..
I miss my nephew and I need to be home…







I Miss Him

I miss you so much.
I miss us talking on the phone.
I miss us joning and having fun.
I miss us talking about how you’re so cool with my uncle.
I miss you so much and it hurts me to see that we’re both in the same place.
It doesn’t make any since at all..
We’re both better than this and we can get through this..
If we do the right thing always and never get caught slippin we should make this through…
You always told me to go to school and do the right thing.
You always told me to make my curfew.
Don’t smoke and do things that I would regret.
You always told me the right thing to do.
When I saw that we were in the same place it really hurt me but everybody messes up every once in a while…
But you can never mess up so bad that you end up in jail…
Long story short is that I L-O-V-E YOU….
And when we get out we have to improve so the both of us will be successful…
And won’t end up back in jail…..

Fear of the Dark

Fear of the Dark
1.15.09


It’s just a feeling I get… sometimes…
A feeling, sometimes
And I get frightened
Just like you… I get frightened too
Because the voices past with time
And the pitch black darkness engulfs me, swallows me in
Inside clutches of Fear and Pain
Expanding my pupils to adjust to the dark
But it’s just ever growing blackness
It just keeps getting darker
Pulling me down, pulling me in
The pit and creases of my brain
It crevasses in the murkiest corners of my mind
Lurking in the darkness with yellow glowing eyes
Glinting with insatiable hunger
With an icy cold whisper from the WindSends shivers down my spine
Because I have fear of the dark
Just a phobia that something’s always there
Watching, waiting, hunting, raging upon me
My heart beats like the loneliest metronome
Crawling with slimy, bony fingers up my throat
Choking, suffocating me.
It dissipates as I espied a gleam trodden to Earth
Moaning and howling in agony
It dissolves and intertwines with the voice of the Wind
Fragments, just little particles of what used to be
Not even there.
But as Night creeps up again, It will rebuild itself
To haunt me again.

My Life On Probation

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOW AND WHY I GOT ON PROBATION. ALSO WHAT HAS IT DONE TO ME ALL THIS TIME SINCE I'VE BEEN GROWING UP. OK THIS IS A TRUE STORY, BOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.

WELL ON SEPTEMBER 15, 2005, I WAS OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND WE WERE HANGING OUT, THEN LATER THAT DAY, WE MET UP WITH SOME OTHER FRIENDS. WHEN WE GOT THERE THEY WAS SMOKING AND DRINKING. THEY OFFERED ME DRINKS AT FIRST, AND I WAS LIKE NA I'M GOOD.THIS WAS BOUT 4 P.M. I DIDN'T WANT TO DRINK BECAUSE I HAD NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE. EVERY ONE THERE WAS DRINKING SO I WAS LIKE OH WHAT EVER LET ME GET ONE. WHEN I FINISH I FELT THE SAME. SO I KEPT DRINKING TILL I SAW EVERYTHING SPINNING AROUND IN CIRCLES. I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT I WOULD BE BACK. ONE OF MY FRIENDS CAME WITH ME. WHEN WE GOT ON THE BUS IT FELT LIKE EVERYTHING WAS GOING BY QUICK. WHEN I MADE IT HOME AT LIKE 7:30 P.M., MY MOMS WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM WATCHING T.V. WHEN I SAW HER I GOT SO PARANOID THAT I TURNED AROUND AND WENT INTO THE KITCHEN TO GET SOME WATER. THEN I HEADED TO MY ROOM. WHEN I WAS GOING PAST HER I TRIED MY BEST TO WALK STRAIGHT. I TURNED AND LOOKED AT HER, AND SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME IN A WEIRD WAY. MY FRIEND WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME, SO I WAS LIKE MOM THIS IS MY FRIEND. SHE SAID OK, SO I WENT ON INTO MY ROOM AND CLOSED THE DOOR.

ALL I REMEMBER IS TELLING MY FRIEND TO SET MY ALARM CLOCK AT 9:45 P.M. SO THAT WE CAN HEAD BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE MY FRIENDS WERE AT. WHEN I WOKE UP I WASHED MY FACE, I WAS LIKE STILL DIZZY WHICH MEANT THAT I WAS STILL KINDA DRUNK. I LEFT TO GO CATCH THE BUS BACK, BUT BEFORE I LEFT I ASKED MY DAD FOR HIS CELL PHONE. HE GAVE IT TO ME. WHEN I GOT THERE I STARTED TO DRINK SOME MORE. LATER AT NIGHT MY CELLPHONE KEPT RINGING AND RINGING. BUT I DIDN’T PICK UP. LATER BOUT 1:30 A.M. PEOPLE AT THE PLACE STARTED TO FIGHT, SO I DECIDED TO LEAVE. I WAS SO DRUNK THAT I KEPT FALLING. I WAS TRIPPING AND STUMBLING. BUT I MADE IT HOME SAFE. MY FRIEND LEFT AT THE BUS STOP BECAUSE HE HAD TO GET HOME

WHEN I GOT HOME MY MOM WAS CRYING, WITH MY LITTLE SISTER AND AUNT. NEXT DAY I WOKE UP WITH A MAD HANG OVER, I HAD LOTS OF CUTS AND BRUISES ON MY ARMS. MY SISTER SAID THAT I FELL DOWN WHEN I WAS COMING IN THE HOUSE. I DIDN’T REMEMBER NOTHING.

Zimbabwe

Today what I'm thinking about is people who are less fortunate than me. I read an article [teacher's note: this was from The Economist] about how the president of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, is getting millions of dollars but he is refusing to feed the people in his country or even purify the water. The United Nations asked for him to step down but he refuses. He says he got everything under control. This teaches you how people are selfish, don't care about nobody except their own self. But I complain about the food not being too much or it being too less. I never thought about how people are starving and how the homeless people in my neighborhood feel when they see me eating and they ask me for some money and I say no. So right now I'm comparing myself to the president of Zimbabwe. I used to be selfish, just thinking of myself.

Taught to Hate

Teacher's Note: This is response to a writing and thinking prompt, "Do we have to be taught to hate, or do we come by it naturally?"

Sometimes we were taught how to hate but sometimes we do not, it comes naturally.

No one taught me how to hate
no one taught me how to love
I taught myself how to love and hate
no one told me hate was bad and love was good
I had to find out myself

hate, hate, hate, it comes in so many ways
it comes in different colors different languages
you never know when it is going to get you
but it will get you sooner or later

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time I used to skip school a lot and smoke a lot of marijuana. I did not obey my parents by not going to school and smoking weed and hanging with a group of trouble makers. So one day my uncle came by my house and was like, "Your mother don't know what to do with you so we're going to court and you going to move with me and my wife to Stafford till you turn eighteen." At the time I was sixteen.

So a couple of weeks later we went to court. They got outside and we went to my house, packed my bags and drove to Stafford.

The first couple of weeks were going good. I was staying right at my mother's house every weekend and would go back to my uncle's house on Sunday night. To make a long story short we moved to Spotsylvania; then I got kicked out of school. So we changed schools. Things were going good at first. But I didn't like the neighborhood we was living in cuz it was in the suburbs and the community was very boring to me. So around Thanksgiving break, last year, I was doing things my uncle did not allow, so he tried to get me locked up. So I moved back with my mother.

When I moved back out here I started hanging with the wrong people again and started skipping school. I got put on papers and 36 hours after I was on papers, I went out past my 11:00 to get a dutch and ended up robbing somebody and got locked up for the first time.

Lost in the System

Ever since I got in this hell hole about a week ago, I've been praying to get out. Mom thought I should stay in so I won't get in anymore trouble...I thought it was a straight idea so I prepared myself. This morning I woke up just knowing I was going to go to school tomorrow, at least that's what I prayed for. I'm not one of those youths who don't take advantage of the opportunities to go to school, I hate to miss it actually. And since I been in here I then already missed one week. Not good at all. So now I guess I'm going to get penalized for not going so I guess Ima have to deal with that. Plus I gotta wait until December 8th to go to court and I pray they let me out because I don't like being in here. Some of these people just love being locked up...not me. I'm better than that and when I get outta here Ima have to prove it. Just hope I don't get lost in the system.

Underestimation

Is underestimation something that has to be done all the time?
I mean why can’t people respect people for whom, or what they really are? It gets me that when some one does the right thing they’re considered a punk, or a wimp, or something. Why do people even care? Why can’t people be who they are and other people be who they are? That, my friend, disconcerts me. It disconcerts me a lot to watch someone be tormented, or teased, or disdained because of something they like or how they look. It provokes me somewhat, but not a lot because it simply doesn’t matter what other people think. As long as you’re doing, or being
you.

On My Mind

All that's on my mind is my mother, and my girlfriend. I just hope that my Mom isn't taking this too hard. I don't want her to worry about anything because I'm okay. I just want her to know that I miss her a lot and that I wish I could've done better and just want to go to school and I want her to know that I love her. And my girlfriend, I just hope that she ain't stressing herself about anything because it wouldn't do her or our baby any good. I just want her to know that I'm missing her and the baby like crazy and that soon I'm going to be with them and that I promise that I'm not going to leave them again. She's 4 months pregnant and I'm the happiest dude ever knowing that she's having my 1st child and I love her to death for that. I want to let her know that I love her with all my heart and soul and that I have her and the baby on my mind and that I'll be with them soon.

Rhymes

If I had to start my life over
I wouldn't cause it would only cause more pain
I done been through some things
that regular people would call insane
but I ain't foolish
don't get me confused with some of those other dudes
Because I'm cruel
like no other
you will suffer
If I can't find you I will come find your mother
sister, brother, whatever
I can find to make you like me
but come find out it's only I like me
but come find out it's not a person it's a word
and all of the people that can handle it is in the dirt
it's only 1 life to live and I'm filled with it
sometimes it's mixed with pleasure that's why people
continue to deal with it
ready or not here I come with it
and when I hit you you probably not gonna be paying attention
I used the bathroom throw up but it won't come out of there
so I just say forget it and live in despair
what I'm talking bout I'm living with is just called pain
I done tried everything and I just want change