Journal

I grew up in downtown Baltimore off of New Jersey Ave, right in the ghetto, projects or whatever you wanna call it. I was one of the few white girls in my school. I started chillin with my gang friends when I was 9, going on 10. I learned how to shoot a gun when I was 7 and a half. Everyone I hung around was either in a gang, on drugs or on probation. There was few that wasn't. We'd sit on my doorstep hearing shootings, screams, cars squeaking, windows breaking, feet running. Then there's the shoot-bys, drive bys, and then there be the ones who get killed right in front of our faces. The first time I saw it I was terrified. I mean I was there a few hours, then there goes bang bang! But after you see it day in and day out, you get used to it. You know when to duck heads, the whole nine yards, whether it's in house or out house, playing b-ball, beating [people's butts], looking up at the new kids on the block saying, "What you lookin at?", going to school, having people jumped, seeing us come in to school going through medal detectors. Yeah, we did crimes but I never got caught with it. I mean, never and if I did, it was once when I was put on house arrest with an ankle bracelet that had a red light that blinked when you went too far outside. I could go as far as [name withheld] porch which was three houses down. I spent my days with him and everyone. I could go in the middle of the street but not across or it started to blink and my house arrest officer would be notified. I grew up in the projects, then I went to live with my aunt in Pasadena, MD, and I always made my way back there so she had enough and kicked me out and I had been kicked out of schools and they tried to enroll me in an alternative school but I was dealing drugs on the corner by the store and my dad drove by. He saw me and all he said was make my money and come home. Well, I got to go.

I Am Me

I am here
I am visible
I am human
I am here

I was there
I was gone
I was invisible
I was lost

I listen
I speak
I see
I understand

I didn't comprehend
I didn't follow
I didn't have an open mind
I didn't have positivity

I will succeed
I will have a future
I will grow
I will be me

A Young Genuis

A young genius
far from a sucker
but got a lot of feeling
a young genius
born ready
with no fear
a young genius
locked up
losing his mind
going crazy
a young genius
throwing away his talent
but is very smart
and he's going to get it together
so that makes him a young genius
nope
not a young genius

My Big Day

My big day is almost here. They day I get my time. Sometimes I think like I wish I can go back in time and do it all over again. I know I would do the right thing but since I've been here for 4 months I learned everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn't have gotten locked up, I know I would be doing the same negative things. When I be in my cell sometimes I say to myself, "I need a break", but I feel that I'm turning my life around day by day. I'm about to get my GED and get a trade if I can, moreover get in any program I can so I can go home looking forward to something.

Some people look at me as a convicted felon but I don't mind that because I know God's the only one who can judge me so from this day on I'ma try to make every day better than the last.

Dangerous Mind

Dangerous Mind
why do I have a
dangerous mind
all da time
it comes to my mind
to set a crime
but why
why me
it's scary
it's crazy

The Story About Me and My Brother

When I was in a gang, I was doing bad things. Every day I was drinking and smoking weed with my brother. Sometimes me and my brother, we'd sleep at the park because we were so scared cause we were so high and when my dad saw us like that he always called the cops. When the cops were there in my house, me and my brother, we always jumped out the window to not get arrested cause I was on probation and the next day me and my brother and my friends went to rob the store to get money and buy weed and beer and food and we started to run cause he called the cops and one day one of another gang shot us and one of my friends died that day. Then me and my brother we started to change our lives and be good people and three days later my P.O. came to my house and she was telling me that one of my friends died and she told me if I was there then she was going to give me two years, but I told her I wasn't there. The next day I was arrested because one of the police found my weed on my pockets. Then three days later I realized I needed to change my life cause my girlfriend told me that I'm going to be a dad and I was so happy. Three months ago I was doing good and I wasn't doing any drugs or alcohol.

On Identity

My identity would be the total opposite of what the police have in their computers next to my name. I say this because some of the things I do always have a cause. Me, I don't identify my self as a danger to others or to be armed all the time. I don't even see myself as a gang member. When I see myself I think of a positive mind and a caring person but certain things make me mad but I would never show it because the people would try to take advantage and let me mad all the time. I also care about other people's thoughts and what they say. But if I ever do anything wrong it's because I always have a reason or a personal purpose for doing things. I also enjoy reading and being outside all day. I love the sunset too for some weird reason.