Trying to Change

I can't focus on anything right now. I want some weed, some alcohol...anything to numb my frustration. I want to yell. Shout. Punch. Kick. I'm trying to change for the better but I just don't want to. I like smoking my lungs black, I like drinking. I like partying. I like being home. As long as I'm not hurting someone else, why do others care so much. Man [edited] Aurora House. I don't want to be helped, I barely love myself nowadays. All I did was steal some money. I wish they would've locked me up then sent me home. But noooo they want to get deep in my feelings and BS. I smoke because I have control and I like to get high. I drink because I like to have fun. I can wait until it's legal...fine, whatever but regardless I'm going to do what I want to do when I can. So like I said, [edited] Aurora House. I'd rather listen to my mom than some random [woman] that thinks they truly know "my type"...wtf is "my type"? I know who I am.

1. I'm bisexual
2. I'm a gang member
3. I'm black and Spanish (I don't tell anyone).