Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Would you like it if the monster was calling your name every night, that he was so hard you can't take the pain? When he is going into the deepest, darkest place you can't say anything because it hurts and you are scared that he might kill you. You are a prisoner in his dungeon. He might take your mind in, use it under his control. What if that was you mans, your dad, you homeboy, or maybe your next door friend? Well let's say it's all of it. What can you do if they try to kill you then they come up with a plan and try to dominate you. Then you see the light and see a way out of all this mess and what if they say you can go and be free but then you think you're free because you hear this song? 1-2 they're coming for you. 3-4 they're coming through the door. 5-6. What's 5-6? There is no 5-6 because they did not let you go. That's the story of how the people you love can take the best of you. So if you've seen the monster, don't let them take you away, just walk away. But it might be hard because of what they might say. They might tell you that you are beautiful.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
When I was 13 I was living with my dad. It was the beginning of the year; I was in the 7th grade. Then one night I was at home watching TV in the living room. It was 11:45, about to be midnight. I couldn't sleep for nothing that night. Then my phone was on the table and it started ringing. Somebody was calling me but I didn't know the number. The area code was from California. I picked it up and said hello. It was my older brother. He called me very upset and strange and he didn't sound the same when I heard his voice. Then he told me what happened. It was about my other older brother. He told me that he just got surgery and it went well. Then the doctor game him some medicine but that's when the doctor screwed up. He gave my brother the wrong medicine and the night he took it, he died and they found him dead on his bed. The police investigated and told us what happened. He was given the wrong medicine which caused this to happen to him. Every since that day me, my dad, my family, haven't been the same. A lot of things went downhill. I will alwayz remember the times he use to take care of me when I was a little baby and alwayz looked out for me and taught me a lot of things. When I was growing up he cared for me a lot. We had different moms but his mom loved me like her own son and never mistreated me. Also my brother. Sometimes I wonder why did God take him instead of me. He was a good student in the university at San Fransisco. He was a great person and he didn't deserve it. Me, my mom, stepmom, dad, my other two brothers, and my 2 older sisters will alwayz love him even if he's not here but he's alwayz in our minds and hearts no matter what.
Choices. OMG it's so hard to make the right choices at times. When I go home I plan to start my job and finish school and all but I know it's going to be hard for me to stay out of trouble. It's so irritating that some people think they know what's best for me or act like they want what's best for me but yet isn't there when I need them. Then they don't want me to be around people that I'm with most of the time but those are the ones who are there for me and yet they say they have my best interest but I think, "Ah well". I guess I kinda know it's best cause in the moment they're there contributing to what I'm doing or not doing anything to stop what's going on then at the end of the day try to judge someone. I despise fake people. I'd rather you keep it 100 with me even on my worst days. Don't make a promise you can't keep.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Hey my name is [withheld] but known as [withheld]. I'm only 16 years of age and incarcerated. Mi vida loca started at age eight, so young, huh? It's not that I never had mi familia around/on my side, it's not that I wanted to fit in and its not that nobody forced me to get in. As a lot of young people do, I chose to live tha crazy life and choose to go ma own way and do ma own stuff. I've been been locked up only twice. You might be saying, "Oh, wow, only twice?" Well yes only twice! Tha first time I got incarcerated it was for one month. In between and before I got house arrest so many times and this time I will complete 10 months of being incarcerated. Don't get me wrong, though, dem two times is not what made me change or made me want to change. And also don't get me wrong on this. I was first like you! I went through so many things in mi vida loca. I drank, I smoked, I did pills, I did so many things. I first told someone,"If you say you from duh streets like you say you are, why are you like this in here? If you say you from duh streets you know damn right that the attention you try to get in here you won't get it out there. Unless you doing crimes and all that woot woot. Ain't nobody on da crazy streets gonna care about yo emotions or feelings, you gotta be strong cause you won't survive out there like that." I realized that if you don't take yourself serious, ain't nobody and anybody gonna take you serious. You gotta be confident with yourself to move on, you got to believe in yo'self. I wasn't born to live tha crazy life, I was born to make a change in this world. But I always went wit what my mind told me instead of with my heart. I was born to help peoplz but if you think about it how would it be possible for me to help peoplz with their life or on something if they scared of you? You gotta make a difference in you. You gotta help yo'self B4 you can help anybody else. Remember you come first before anybody and everybody!