MY LIFE

"2014, 2014 it still 2014"

That what everybody is saying

My life went by fast

Graduated now in college,

Making $ 70 an hour

Living in San Francisco

Seeing the golden gate bridge
Going to pastry school
Day and night thinking about high school

My new life starting off good.

I am happy, satisfied with my life

Nothing bad could happen

Then i found out

That it was only a dream.

I can still remember
I can still hear them saying
"2014, 2014 it's still 2014

Fighting against Freedom

When they think I won’t hurt them because I’m a girl,
I love it.

When I listen to them talk trash, and I start getting close then their attitude changes,
I love it.

When I hit them hard and their blood stains my knuckles,
I love it

When they yell for help and nobody comes to their side,
I love it

When I kick them in the face and laugh at their anguish,
I love it

When the police show up and the handcuffs appear,
I hate it.

When I stand in front of the judge and the prosecutor is relentless,
I hate it.

When I’m behind locked doors and she is outside,
I hate it.

When she got some bruises, and some scars, I got my freedom taken away,
I hate it.

Getting Locked Up

This is my 3rd time getting locked up. Well the first time I came here was on July of 2007. The reason why I came here was because I didn’t obey my moms rules so I got locked up for three weeks and that’s how I got on probation. I got on probation august, 10, 2007. They gave me probation for one year.

When I went home I was on house arrest for 30 days. When I got off house arrest I had to follow a curfew and it was at 6:00 p.m. on week days and 7:00 p.m. on weekends. I had problems with my curfew because it was so early it would violate it a lot of the time and my mom would tell on me almost all the time. So I would get in trouble but not as much. It wasn’t until July of 2008 when I started to get consequences for my actions.

On July since it was summer and everybody likes to chill a lot my friend told to sleep over at her house and I was at the movies that night right by her house so I said I don’t know I don’t think my mom would let me. So she told me to call her and ask her and I did, but my mom didn’t pick up the phone so I was like “I’m going to stay and I’ll tell her tomorrow”. When I got home my mom had already called my probation officer and told her that I didn’t come home last night. So my P.O placed me on house arrest for 10 days. The first four days were okay I stayed home, but then I found out that my friends were having a party and I wanted to go so I violated house arrest just to go to the party and I wasn’t even worth it. When my P.O found out she put a detention order on me. And I had to go to court and 2 weeks and I knew I was getting locked up so I decided to do what ever I wanted to do for those 2 weeks. I would come home any time I felt like coming home.

Then my court day came and I got locked up for 25 days. When I went home they put on ISP. And I violated it but they didn’t locked me up again they just put me on house arrest. When I got of ISP. I kept on violating my curfew and not following my probation rules so I had court again and I got locked up again and here I am this is my 3rd and last time being locked up. All the other times I came here I took it like a game and I wouldn’t care and as soon I got out I would violate probation again. But this time is different I’ve been here for 27 days and I have three more weeks until my next court and I don’t know if I’m going home but I’m just going to do my time and when ever I get out I’m going to change. This time I really mean it I’m going to follow my rules and behave well and listen to my mom because I’m tired of being locked up and getting in trouble and making my mom waist her time in counseling and courts and all that. I want to get my life straight and do good and get of probation.

Solving a Problem

A time I solved a problem was during court. I had gotten violated but for no reason, when I didn't do anything Now my court date has passed, it was on Monday April 20, 2009, at 2:30 PM. Me and my father were waiting for a good minute; we didn't get in until around 3 PM. Once the judge said I'm gettin locked I just felt I honestly didn't care but what really mattered to me was my parents. All I remember seeing is my dad tearing up. I can see it in his eyes, how much he watned to cry. But he couldn't do anything. I just thank God that I'm about to leave in three or basically two days. This is going to be the first and last days I'm EVER coming back!

Dealing in Despair

Because Momma wasn't there
and poppa was a player
had me dealing in despair,
feeling life wasn't fair
and I had hoop dreams
still addicted to the street
wasn't worried 'bout nothing
big bro was backing me
now he sitting in the Fed's
and J.B. is in the ground
made a promise to my man
that I'll 4ever hold it down

Authority

People make certain situations difficult because they have the authority to, just because no one knows their motives, but you can only assume their motives are in the wrong place because there is no affect on them. They are lazy and they're just choosing that dollar but why make it difficult for us during the process?

Power

I feel happy some days and other days sad. People make me happy, people make me sick, people pick with me for no reason because they can and they choose to. For example, some people, they feel they have to show power for the wrong reasons. Some of the staff at NVJDH are rude and work for the wrong reason. Some don't take none of the kids' medical and physical requests at all. Some don't break a sweat but only at breakfast and lunch. That's the only time you'll see hard work. Some come to pick with detainees and not give us no guidance in life or advice about certain situations and are only here for a free meal. This is addressed to all the staff who act like Neanderthals and very hungry, very, very, very hungry and obnoxious.

A Son Needs His Mother

A son needs his mother so he always knows to
love....
A son needs him mother so he's not looking from
above....
A son needs him mother cause its something that he
needs....
A son needs his mother so he don't smoke that
weed....
A son needs his mother so he doesn't learn to hate....
I need my mother before it's too damn late....

Keep the End in Mind

Keep the End in Mind

They say keep the end in mind……
Cause you’ll never know when its time….
The day that your heart stops….
The day the wooden casket drops…..
Six feet underground…..
They're piling up a dirt mound….
Over all your dreams and hopes….
The whole family's there to mope…..
And now there all left with tears…
Hoping that god will hear….
Telling him to cut you slack….
But you’re never ever coming back….

Another Night in This Human Zoo

Another Night in This Human Zoo
Every night I sit up and wonder why I’m here?
I think back to a time to when my family was always happy.
Felt like smiles and sunshine surrounded us even on a rainy day.
A time when football and basketball was just another way me and my pops bonded even more.
But then I get dropped back in the dark hole we call reality.
Disrupted by the constant beeping of the hits that are making sure the doors are still locking the animals in.
The horrid sound that desists any happiness that is left within.
It’s a sound that keeps me from my dream…………

Returning Home

Night

Teacher's Note: this was written during our class unit on Night by Elie Wiesel.

When night falls down
I'm locked up in my room
no where to go, with only 3 windows
u can't even see out of.
When night falls down
I'm mad cause I can't see
the moon glow, so when I'm in my
room I roll over till I can't move
no more.
When night falls down
I'm mad cause I didn't
get to see sunlight or didn't
get to feel a breeze, because
I'm locked up behind locked
doors.
when night falls
when night falls
when night falls down.

War!

Soldier! Soldier!
War! War!
Through the tunnel
through the sewer
underground but through the town
when I rise, look around
notice nothing in this town
all alone, on my own
no one in this town
so I just wait around
not even a sound hit the ground
it's only me in this town
a soldier in this town.
war went through
but I wasn't around
underground while war went on
now I'm a soldier in this town.

Is This Where You Want To Be?

I'm in a place where you show no love
where people can walk all over you like a bug
so you stick your chest out and try to make it through
if someone gets in your face you act like a fool
most of the time you're in your cell
the only thing you look forward to is visiting or mail
people telling you what to do
and everywhere you go someone is watching you
I lost my freedom and I can't get it back
society won, so now I take a nap
I had a dream, I was happy and free
how ask yourself this question: is this where you want to be?

Jail House

In jail you go through
Trials and tribulations
Towels from masturbation
Crowds of people hating

You a in cage animal
Out rage cannibal
Ready to strike when any body put they hand on you
It’s the survival of the fittest and only the fit survive
You in the cage with all animals that will eat you alive

As time fly past
Your girl don’t last
Your brain die fast
You start to figure out your friends ain't really your friends
They talk about it they wasn’t about it they change since you came in

You might go in a soldier and come out sweet
You might go in gangster talking and don’t even come out and eat
Trust is a word that can’t be spoken in there
never under estimate nobody because you don’t know what they toting in there
If your body ain't built you better start lifting weights
It ain't no more guns its about your hand because you behind closed gates
Its young boys in there that was forced to be men
So the ticket to survival is to never come in

A Life Lesson

A fool is some body who doesn't listen
I got 2 ears and 1 mouth so I got to pay attention
I’m like a child that’s not being fed
I’m like a follower that’s not being led
I’m like a zombie that’s not even dead
I’m alieness
My goals never stop because I’m not afraid of success

A winning mind at any given time
Is a never ending mind that’s not afraid to climb
As I grow old in time but time doesn’t get older
I eventually get warm in time but times seem to get colder

How can I not fight when I’m not mentally strong?
And how can I be right when I’m meant to be wrong
How can I speak and not be spoken to
And how can I write and not be written to

Who I was and who I dream to be really don’t have any cooperation
Who I am and where I’m going that my only obligation
Pride is 1 of the reason I’m still liven
Respect is what I want but respect is not always given
All battles can’t be fought you got to pick and choose
And cant is not a word so don’t be so quick to loose

They put me in a class where the teacher don’t even teach
I try to extend my hand but its way out of their reach
Society tell us we aint nothing then digs you a hole
Put you 6 feet under and try to replenish your soul
Life is like a non stopping speeding train
So I’m going to be non stopping and see if you can feel my pain
Can we get some attention over here?
They talk about crime with a smile on the news
They talk about the streets but can’t walk a mile in my shoes
They try to explain the streets to people who don’t get it
They talk a good game but they really can’t live in it
They say we not failure’s but we was raised to fail
I wonder why you can’t find a good book in school but you can find 1 in jail

They don’t under stand why people hustle to eat
Cause they don’t get a good education in school so they wild out in the streets
Tranquility, inequality
Lock them all up and throw away the key
Look at our schools they badly in shape
Look at our streets where girls still getting rape
People getting tied with duck tape
Getting there head crush like rough grapes

We got kids sprung out on crack
Soldiers fighting in Iraq
The Klu Klux Klan refusing anything black
And we still don’t know how to act
Sending our young to a war to die
While Americans are dying cause are aids rate getting high
Start to think about the mothers on welfare
The fathers watching their kids die because don’t got no health care
One side rich the other side poor opposite like sand and a tree
But we don’t have nothing to worry about because we the land of the free.