Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Don't Set Yourself Up

Well it’s been crazy lately how as you get older you start realizing all the problems in this world. That’s probably why my hair is falling out and being lock up doesn’t help any thing. It’s just eating me up knowing that I set myself up like this because when you really think about it, you put yourself in a situation where some one tells you what to do, tells you when you can speak and I used to say who the hell are you to put me on Quiet Time and they would say I’m staff and you’re not! Ok. So. Does that make you a better human or make me less of a human? That’s just a name you have because of your job. Once you leave here, you’re just like me, human. So this always gets me thinking how unfair life is, not because you make it unfair. It’s what people for generations before us made it and it lives on through many more generations. It’s funny now much power us humans have; we can turn a beautiful place or thing into something ugly. Like for example, say your favorite restaurant out of no where had the rudest host manager and all the things you like about your favorite restaurant become ugly. All the beauty of the restaurant becomes ugly just by somebody being rude or affecting what you used to think about the place. Because the place is still just a restaurant, it always seems to be the people there that might mess you all up. Well besides all these things I see how unfair jails and programs are. They say they’re not here to change who you are but yet they criticize you and say it’s constructive criticism. To me criticism is just criticism. But like I was saying they tell you more on what you need to work on than all the things you can keep like your personality. Yea, some people have bad ones, some have humorous ones, and in here you obviously can’t have either because others will put you down just because they don’t like something about you or just one day they’re having a bad day and tell someone how annoying they are or how they need to work on something. To me that’s the same as asking someone to change something in a different way. What I’m getting at with this is people’s moods and mindset can change everything around us or even your thoughts. But whatever it is, I’ve learned not to take everything people say to me personally whether it’s good or bad. Like when someone compliments on how good your day is going, and how happy they are with you. I’ve learned they’re only saying it because they’re in a good mood. But if they were mad or mad at you they wouldn’t say that. So sometimes it’s good not to take what people say personally or assume things even though it happens. It’s just the way things are. All of this is coming from fear of being myself around strangers because they (others) rather see me quit than be my silly, funny self. That’s why being locked up is eating away at who I really am and I’m tired of victimizing myself in these types of ways. That’s my wake up call that I got from being here locked up. All I’m saying is don’t set yourself up, because everything is about your choices and the consequences that come out of the choices you make, whether they are good or bad. Life is Life.

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