Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Right now I'm so focused on court that I'm practically killing myself. The things I once liked to do now have no meaning to me, like basketball or football. Before I got locked up, I was as fun as could be. I would play with friends, play videos games, joke around and be my usual immature way. Now after spending my birthday incarcerated I feel a heavy burden on my back. Let me explain my birthday. I woke at 6:30 as usual, washed up and cleaned my room, put my clothes on. 7:30 we ate lunch, I was excited to go to court, knowing I might go home on my birthday. The intake man took me from my unit and put me in a holding cell with my codefendant and we caught up, then I got into the police van, then they put me in a different holding cell. My codefendant, then my lawyer, said that this charge was so serious that I could get Juvenile Life in jail and that was shocking as my codefendant told his lawyer he wanted to go home and come back in about five minutes. Then it was my turn. My lawyer said, "Pick what you want to do, go home but it might not work or take responsibility and tell the judge you want to go back." At first I said, "Go home", but when it didn't work for my friend I changed my mind. I read my letter to the judge and it did work. Then my lawyer told her my decision, then she asked how did I want to plead? I said guilty because I knew I was and because I confessed, so as I was walking out, my family said, "Happy birthday!" and I said, "Thank you". After I got in the cell I started crying and that was the first time I cried since I was 12 and now I'm 15 so that was my birthday. Not great, not even good. And the judge's words still haven't left my mind: Don't get in trouble in the Detention Home at all because if I can't do right in here, I can't do right on the streets. And I got in trouble twice! I think I'm done but that's why I don't talk that much, because the 1 thing I don't want to do is go Downstate for Juvenile Life, because that's not an option but might be one for the judge.