Missing Christmas

I am writing about how I am going to miss Christmas and New Year's for the second year in a row and I'm mad because I am going to miss my brother's birthday and I've just been thinking every night that for three years that I've been incarcerated or been in a program and not there with my brother that if he still would have the same respect that he did when I was out. But I was told by my parents by observing my younger brother's ways they noticed that he wasn't very excited in what he was doing around the house because he was alone and couldn't enjoy playing the game by himself. So I've been thinking when I get out that I'm gonna do what I gotta do to get off probation so I can spend the rest of my life with my family without worrying about being incarcerated again, because if I do, it's gonna be 12-18 months downstate.