The Flame

I got to chill out
because I'm like a flame
that doesn't bring a good fame
if I don't chill myself out
law will and they're colder than ice
and when I say I need to chill out
it's another word for change
but not all the way
I'll always be the same
I just need to bring down my flame
and maybe it will bring a good fame

Court

I hate going to court, especially in the morning. I hate the way that it makes me nervous and the way it smells but the biggest thing I hate about court is how they got a judge that is equal to everybody else making the choice whether your freedom should be taken away or not. I think the only person for that spot is God but that's never going to happen. The world will never be at peace until all the money in the world is gone and people learn to love instead of hate.

A Long Way Gone

Teacher's Note: This poem emerged from a final assessment I gave on our class reading of A Long Way Gone.

I'm running
and can't find my way
I'm a long way gone
I can't feel my face
so deep in the world's war
I've lost my sight
to regain it.
I am in fright
seeing day by day
I want to fight
fight the animals that come
to my path
and I'm scared
cause I have to fight
machetes, G3s, grenades,
and all
I hate running
I can't see me or my family
at all
to over come is to join
and become the monster
I hate.
Fear
and want to shake
I stand but I'm shaking
all wet and cold
my knees shaking
persistently
I'm scared and want to get out
I'm a long way gone
and have not found
the light
blood running down
from my eyes
I'm beginning to see
see the smoke
hear the screams
I run down teh hill
to the scene
but when I get there
it's all the same I've seen
I'm tired
but I run
to get away from RUF
before I burn
my hands bound
my mind confused
I have till morning
before I begin to lose
my eyes firey red
because I haven't been to
sleep
I'm afraid if I do sleep
I will fall deep
but I'm a long way gone
Am I already asleep?

Love

Love is an emotion
When two doves fly
they become one
the doves love
each other and
never leave
they are happy
and fly with joy.

Man and Woman

There's something you have always done to never be seen.
I may not see you on the lines but maybe in between.
There will always be something better than what you have.
So you go out and get it instead of being glad.
Once given a change to stop you think of starting.
Your mind races as your thoughts are darting.
If you are alive then it could always be worse.
But you can come in 2nd or 3rd and still be first.
Your memories lead you down a very dark path.
Then instead of being in the lead you start to become last.
As high as the stars even the moon
or as low as the flowers when they begin to bloom
this is the end also the beginning
so you never lose because you're always winning.
these are emotions of man and woman
but my question is...where do you fit in?

Favorite Books

Well that type of books that I like are books that got to do with people's past and struggles in life like being in a gang and what they had to go through or how some are addicted to drugs and what it lead them to. So recently I read a book named Runaway and the other one was named Inside the Crips and the reason I got attached to this book is because he was talking about how his life was and how the gang life was, how he felt about certain things, how he had to do time in prison and what he experienced in there and how he started doing drugs and how at the end he tried to change everything and make something better for his future. And there was a lot in these books that I can compare to and how there are certain people that you can/can't trust just so much. When I read these kinds of books, I start to picture myself in their footsteps and I actually start thinking about life and how much people go through and how much stuff is out there (good stuff) that we haven't experienced and we just letting it go to waste by not thinking about our consequences about how we react and then think instead of thinking and then reacting in a positive way.

Don't Set Yourself Up

Well it’s been crazy lately how as you get older you start realizing all the problems in this world. That’s probably why my hair is falling out and being lock up doesn’t help any thing. It’s just eating me up knowing that I set myself up like this because when you really think about it, you put yourself in a situation where some one tells you what to do, tells you when you can speak and I used to say who the hell are you to put me on Quiet Time and they would say I’m staff and you’re not! Ok. So. Does that make you a better human or make me less of a human? That’s just a name you have because of your job. Once you leave here, you’re just like me, human. So this always gets me thinking how unfair life is, not because you make it unfair. It’s what people for generations before us made it and it lives on through many more generations. It’s funny now much power us humans have; we can turn a beautiful place or thing into something ugly. Like for example, say your favorite restaurant out of no where had the rudest host manager and all the things you like about your favorite restaurant become ugly. All the beauty of the restaurant becomes ugly just by somebody being rude or affecting what you used to think about the place. Because the place is still just a restaurant, it always seems to be the people there that might mess you all up. Well besides all these things I see how unfair jails and programs are. They say they’re not here to change who you are but yet they criticize you and say it’s constructive criticism. To me criticism is just criticism. But like I was saying they tell you more on what you need to work on than all the things you can keep like your personality. Yea, some people have bad ones, some have humorous ones, and in here you obviously can’t have either because others will put you down just because they don’t like something about you or just one day they’re having a bad day and tell someone how annoying they are or how they need to work on something. To me that’s the same as asking someone to change something in a different way. What I’m getting at with this is people’s moods and mindset can change everything around us or even your thoughts. But whatever it is, I’ve learned not to take everything people say to me personally whether it’s good or bad. Like when someone compliments on how good your day is going, and how happy they are with you. I’ve learned they’re only saying it because they’re in a good mood. But if they were mad or mad at you they wouldn’t say that. So sometimes it’s good not to take what people say personally or assume things even though it happens. It’s just the way things are. All of this is coming from fear of being myself around strangers because they (others) rather see me quit than be my silly, funny self. That’s why being locked up is eating away at who I really am and I’m tired of victimizing myself in these types of ways. That’s my wake up call that I got from being here locked up. All I’m saying is don’t set yourself up, because everything is about your choices and the consequences that come out of the choices you make, whether they are good or bad. Life is Life.

The Cycle of the Streets

Sometimes I go to my cell and think about how my life has changed ever since my brother's incarceration. I think I needed this in my life, cause really my life was pretty much just I would wake up, go out, chill with my [friends] and get some money, buy weed and smoke. Sometimes I would drink but not as often. I really needed a change in my life. I would try to do something but it wouldn't work. I would get bored on whatever I was doing and go right back smoking and chilling, and it was a cycle that I could not stop and I ain't gonna lie, I really didn't wanna stop. When you live in the life of violence and drugs, you find it really hard to get out of this cycle. You get used to getting in trouble. You slowly find out that it's just like the game "cops and robbers" but the only difference is, this ain't no game, this is real life and if you get caught you would go to real jail and won't be going home. That's what happened to me and that's why I'm here. Hopefully I get out before I explode and get more time in jail.

Cherish the Moments

Hold what you have now until beyond, because you never know what you got till it's gone." That was a closing sentence from a song called "You Never Know" by Immortal Technique. The song talks about not taking full advantage of someone and ending up losing them in the end and not cherishing the moments you had and shared. I follow this saying because I too have felt this way before in a relationship I had and didn't cherish moments and didn't take it seriously.

Gangs

When in a gang, you're looking for a family that you don't have.

They say to kill, u kill.
They say to stab, u stab.
They say to rape, u rape.
They say to hurt the children, you hurt children.
They say to fight, u fight.
They say to shoot a gun, u shoot.
They say to smoke weed, u smoke.
They say hurt families, u hurt families.
They say drop out, you drop out.
They say what they say
but you do what they say
or you'll be killed for
your life and/or jumped badly.

But just one question
how do I get out
how do I get away from the gang/drug life?

Trust No One

I do not talk to those who I do not know for they are liars and cheaters and cannot be trusted. I am in here because after I did wrong, I felt bad for what I have done so I tried to turn over a new leaf, a good leaf. They said nothing will happen to me for I was doing the right thing. Those who said they would look out and speak on my behalf was the same ones who spoke fire, burning me as time went on so trust no one. Everyone is your enemy.

Judgement

I wish people would not judge me based on how I portray myself, my physical appearance, or my actions. For example, every time a male comes across, it's like I am psychic towards what they are thinking about me. I can read the male species like a book. And I have the same opinion for all guys in general: they only want one thing, and that is the goods.

When I was living on the streets for some time of my life, random guys would come up to me asking why such a beautiful girl is lying down on a bench in the projects? They I would respond by saying I am going through a lot right now and I really have to where else to go at the moment. At the time I was very vulnerable and desperate, so as long as the guy spit his game the right way I would tag along with him. But what amazed me the most about these men was how two-faced they were. First they are nice, respectful gentlemen who just tell me what I wanna hear like "Oh, well, I can help you out and get you off of these streets. It looks like you need to get somethin to eat and seems to me that you need to bathe and need to lie down for a while because you look very exhausted. If you go with me, I can take care of you." But little did I know that the phrase, "I can take care of you" meant something outside the box. They basically said, "We gon get it on when we hit my spot", but camouflaged what they really meant.

So once they had me in a good position with no one around, after about five minutes, the guy would start touching me in areas that were uncomfortable. I do admit, sometimes I let them caress me, but a lot of the time I really wasn't in the mood to have sex with them because first of all I was in no position to even feel any type of pleasure because of me being homeless, and second of all, the men that I turned down were denied for a reason: too dang old!

The ones that I rejected got angry and I got to experience the real side of them that I have never seen before. The nice, respectful "gentlemen" that I met not to long ago had vanished and now I was facing the cold-hearted,cruel, physical man. but back to my point from the very beginning. I wish people (men in general) would just stop judging me based on my appearance and how I portray myself because when they come across me, they think I am a promiscuous teenager who prostitutes for money. I wish men wouldn't look at me as just a piece of (@#!), but I guess I am just gonna have to deal with it, keep my head up and stay strong because people like that is gonna pass my way everyday.