Life is Hard

Life is hard. Dieing must be easy. Sometimes I wonder where u really go when u die if there is a God (keyword if). Are you really asleep until Christ comes or are u in the middle of nowhere? That question can't be answered until you die. Do you know who you are when Death calls you? Will I know my name when I'm dead? Will I remember my life or who was in it? I picture myself dyin by a gunshot. I even dream it. When I woke up blood was really there but it was a scab that I thought was bleeding. I thought about killing myself at one time but I thought about mother, how will she feel? For some reason when I'm in between those walls I think about what if my mother dies? I cry but it is just a what if. Me and my brother always said when we die we will die by killing ourselves but I don't think we will really do it.