My Little Brother

It all started when my little brother started listening to Devon the Dude. This man talks about smoking, drinking and having sex all the damn time. And my little brother listens to Lil Wayne too, but Lil Wayne talks about sex and smoking. Let me tell you something: does your little brother smoke or drink and have sex? If no, good, enjoy your childhood and don't use the words I can't because you can do anything in this world if you believe in it and I, your big brother, will be there to help you and I love you. Please don't mess your life up. Because I believe you can be successful.

Boxing

I started boxing training and after a year we had our first match. I won. I knocked him out 5 times. I had a cut on my eye and his eyes were fat and I hit him with a right and a left but when I hit him with my right again it was strong.

A Successful Man

My life is not so great and I am trying to make the best of it. I have come across trouble and now I am trying to better myself. I always wanted to be the man or father that my father wasn't. I know it is going to take hard work and I am willing to work to success. I learned what comes easy is not the best for you but what you work hard for is going to benefit you in the long run.

I have a lot of dreams that I want to accomplish and I plan on accomplishing them. First thing I want to do is get my education. Second thing I got to do is be willing to learn and listening. Third thing I got to have a plan and go through with it. The last step I got to accomplish is believe in my self and keep a positive attitude.

Blaming Hip Hop

Teacher's Note: This emerged from a writing assignment I gave on the connections between language and violence.

I would not say Hip Hop is to blame for everything that goes on in our culture, because people are going to do what people want to do. But I would say Hip Hop helps contribute to a portion of what goes on in our communities. Some of the hip hop in this generation disrespects women in all kinds of ways. They're not only disrespecting women but they're also disrespecting the African American culture. They disrespect mostly every female that disrespects themselves, and allows others to disrespect them. They're disrespecting the African American culture by giving other races a negative image of us.

Language and Violence

Teacher's Note: This emerged from a writing assignment I gave on the connections between language and violence.

Domestic violence often starts with words such as B**** and H*. When men say this to women they are threatening them like their dogs and that's not right because that's not what women are and they shouldn't be threatened that way. That also leads to domestic violence because when men say all those types of things to females they treat them like animals and they can even hit them and make them feel like they are less than what they are. So in my opinion racial or sexist words have to do with domestic violence; they are related to each other because those words are the ones that lead to domestic violence.

I've Always Wondered

I've always wondered why staff hate
on me.

I've always wondered why the can't c me
but it's all straight they just
want to be me.

I've always wondered why I'm always locked up.

I've always wondered why I see
hate in me
but it's all straight because
ya can't lay a hand on me.

I've always wondered why I can't
follow a straight road always messing
up waiting for that right road.

Misunderstood

Teacher's Note: This is in response to Emerson's famous observation: "To be great is to be misunderstood."

To be great is to be misunderstood. This quote sinks into my mind because if that's true I am the greatest man in the world. Such an erratic young man who is always misunderstood for stupid, dumb reasons. I like it though, but not a lot because how can you like someone if they don't understand you? So yes that quote sinks into my head like the blood inside my brain. Maybe someday I will understand this quote?

Last Time

I still remember the last day
we laid eyes on each other.
it hurt so bad cause I
knew it was the last time.
Jump outs
all you hear is "get on the ground
and you freeze."
laying beside you looking
into your eyes and I see the
fear
and the love you have
for me.
I wanted to tell you for
the last time I love you.
But I couldn't, I couldn't
say it cause I didn't want
to know that it was going
to be the last time.
I lay in my bed
thinking of you all night
and having a baby
grow inside of me.
I can wait for you but
I don't want our daughter
to ask when are you
coming back...?
I can't just be like....

Well...the last time....

22 Days

Twenty-two days left! I try not to think about it so the days slide by with swiftness, but I can't help but think about it when I am in my room, behind closed doors, reminiscing in my existence. When I am released, I will lay low and stay out of trouble to the fullest possibility. I feel like my probation officer is out to get me as he keeps violating me in probation. I feel like he has no pity for me and I am misunderstood. If he were to walk in my shoes for a day, maybe he would understand me and think twice about his decisions against me. I can't help but feel hatred against him for he has taken me away from my family and people that love me. I am willing to do the time if I do the crime but I don't deserve this much of a punishment.

Prayer

Man I really am ready to leave. Mean I really want that 6 month program and I really am looking forward to changing. I am really getting frustrated I pray every night, hope that I get that program. I miss my family so much, I hope they was here. When I get a phone call and I talk to my brother, he acts like he don't care how I'm in here struggling. So God I ask you to let me get this 6 month program and continue protecting me in the facilities--anything but down state.

Missing Christmas

I am writing about how I am going to miss Christmas and New Year's for the second year in a row and I'm mad because I am going to miss my brother's birthday and I've just been thinking every night that for three years that I've been incarcerated or been in a program and not there with my brother that if he still would have the same respect that he did when I was out. But I was told by my parents by observing my younger brother's ways they noticed that he wasn't very excited in what he was doing around the house because he was alone and couldn't enjoy playing the game by himself. So I've been thinking when I get out that I'm gonna do what I gotta do to get off probation so I can spend the rest of my life with my family without worrying about being incarcerated again, because if I do, it's gonna be 12-18 months downstate.

Court

Right now I'm so focused on court that I'm practically killing myself. The things I once liked to do now have no meaning to me, like basketball or football. Before I got locked up, I was as fun as could be. I would play with friends, play videos games, joke around and be my usual immature way. Now after spending my birthday incarcerated I feel a heavy burden on my back. Let me explain my birthday. I woke at 6:30 as usual, washed up and cleaned my room, put my clothes on. 7:30 we ate lunch, I was excited to go to court, knowing I might go home on my birthday. The intake man took me from my unit and put me in a holding cell with my codefendant and we caught up, then I got into the police van, then they put me in a different holding cell. My codefendant, then my lawyer, said that this charge was so serious that I could get Juvenile Life in jail and that was shocking as my codefendant told his lawyer he wanted to go home and come back in about five minutes. Then it was my turn. My lawyer said, "Pick what you want to do, go home but it might not work or take responsibility and tell the judge you want to go back." At first I said, "Go home", but when it didn't work for my friend I changed my mind. I read my letter to the judge and it did work. Then my lawyer told her my decision, then she asked how did I want to plead? I said guilty because I knew I was and because I confessed, so as I was walking out, my family said, "Happy birthday!" and I said, "Thank you". After I got in the cell I started crying and that was the first time I cried since I was 12 and now I'm 15 so that was my birthday. Not great, not even good. And the judge's words still haven't left my mind: Don't get in trouble in the Detention Home at all because if I can't do right in here, I can't do right on the streets. And I got in trouble twice! I think I'm done but that's why I don't talk that much, because the 1 thing I don't want to do is go Downstate for Juvenile Life, because that's not an option but might be one for the judge.

Different

I've always wondered why I always was different than the usual black teenaged crowd. It gets me how everything I do is erratic. Sometimes I look into the morror and ask my self, "Who is this light- skinned young man looking at me?" But by the end of my question, I would remember that it's me and only I would do something so stupid. Sometimes I think that there's something wrong with me and that I need to get checked out for therapy but then I remember my talents and how unique they are and realize that I'm fine and normal. In my own way. Just an erratic sixteen year-old boy who doesn't need to fit in with the usual black teenaged crowd.

Molded

My community has molded me into the stereotype of black males. My community has hold me wrong was right and right is not the thing to do. My community embraces ignorance and sullied my intelligence. They attempted to help me become a menace but instead, I will choose to become a man. A man of knowledge and power and who tries to emerge from ignorance.

Making History

Teacher's Note: This is a response to Sen. Obama's historic victory this past Tues, Nov 4, 2008.

First and foremost this is very deep and touching. This is HISTORY! This the the beginning of a legacy. But I must say that I am kind of worried about Barack. There is a lot of animosity towards Barack from many invidivuals. This is very deep for many other reasons people as well. This should open people's hearts and eyes to change the U.S. as a people

If You Knew Me....

If you knew me, you would know that I am a very well rounded, intelligent and versatile young man. The things that I do on a regular basis wouldn't surprise you due to the fact that you know me. Being around me frequently would give you a broader insight on my persona. Hence you would adapt to my personality traits. If you knew me, you would know what I like to wear. If you knew me you would like me. If you knew me you know, respect and accept me for who I am and what I do, in addition to why I do these things.

If you knew Me

Teacher's Note: This journal entry came from a prompt I periodically give, "If you knew me, you would know...."

If you knew me, you would know that I am not a person of Hate. That I am not a person of destruction. That the ideas in my head roam around and come out as letters on a page, telling a story of a nice young man with dreams of becoming a star. Dreams of becoming a prodigy of my father. Dreams of seeing my mother happy and living the way she wants to live, instead of worrying about me. I want her to live her life. I want the tears to stop streaming down her face.

I've Learned About People That....

I've learned about people that they're all different, but yet they're all the same. I say this because no matter all of a person's physical attributes, the one thing that makes them the same is that they're human. What I mean is that no matter how big, small, strong, weak, fast, you are human. So you will always have your emotions. So you will have good days and bad days. You have your up and down. What makes people different is will power. Nothing is impossible to do, you just have to have the will power to do it. Some people say that the difference between us is looks. Well, I believe that good looks are in the eye of the beholder and money is never ugly. What I mean by that is, a lot of people believe that when you are broke, you're ugly and when you're rich, beautiful. Also, I've learned that you treat others the way you want to be treated so I do that, because I know that my feelings are not to be played with. I know if mine are dangerous, you know love and anger make you do crazy things. I believe it, do you?

Life is Hard

Life is hard. Dieing must be easy. Sometimes I wonder where u really go when u die if there is a God (keyword if). Are you really asleep until Christ comes or are u in the middle of nowhere? That question can't be answered until you die. Do you know who you are when Death calls you? Will I know my name when I'm dead? Will I remember my life or who was in it? I picture myself dyin by a gunshot. I even dream it. When I woke up blood was really there but it was a scab that I thought was bleeding. I thought about killing myself at one time but I thought about mother, how will she feel? For some reason when I'm in between those walls I think about what if my mother dies? I cry but it is just a what if. Me and my brother always said when we die we will die by killing ourselves but I don't think we will really do it.

The Last Spin Pt.2

Teacher's note: This is a wonderful continuation of Even Hunter's "The Last Spin". Students will enjoy reading this wonderful piece by CB. Students were assigned to continue the story were Hunter left off.

The Last Spin continued...

Still shocked from the blood gushing on the back walls all I could think was,
“Was it even worth it”?

Deep down I was still wondering what I could have done to persuade him to put the gun down but I didn’t want it to seem like I was the scared one.
About 10 minutes from my pondering on how much Danny and I had in common, José came down and said, “Come on Tigo lets go ESE la policiấ is outside”.
I went outside trying to keep up with Jose, thinking about what Danny and I had discussed. The sirens were blaring loud as they turned the corner. José and the other club members hopped fences and scattered in their opposite directions. When I reached home I smelt the warm papayas on the stove and the sound of my father beating my mother coming from the back room. I ran to the back room to pull him off my mother once again. Days were always like this at my house and it doesn’t really bother me. I wanted to rest because at 9:30 I had a club meeting to attend.
I went to my room and blasted the reggaeton loud to block out my crying sister and the arguing on the other side of the door. Then I got a phone call from my girl (Juana); she wanted me to come over. I hopped in the shower and got fresh for her with my green silk jacket with the orange stripes on it. I went to her house and we chilled for a little bit. Her mom don’t really like me that much because she know about my colors so we had to take our business else where. 9:30 came I gave her a kiss goodbye and headed to the spot. “Man I know I don’t want to be down for the mission tonight but… Man I don’t want to be in this club any more.” I promise my self that after tonight I’m out… I’m going to go to school and get job make my moms proud.”

“Aye Tigo!” I heard José say, pulling up in his black Crown Vick. “Get in we’re going for a ride.” The dudes in the front seat were sipping on some 40s and the other rolling a blunt in the back seat. About five minutes later we pulled up in front of the corner store down the block. José tossed me a black ski mask and told me to stick and move. We all started to get out the car until I said, “Aye homes let’s think about this.” Jose shoved me and said, “Tigo man stop acting like a B****.” So I went in thinking, “This is the last time”, repeating over and over. I pulled out the gun on the Asian man and said, “Open the register hurry up.” Next thing I know there were six black boys running in the store with the same color jacket Danny had on. Blasting my friends left to right! BOOM BAM! I try to get out the store but it was too hot so I decide to hide behind the aisle with the cereal. I turned around to feel a silver pistol in my temple….



- CBXOXOXO

A Better Life

I am only an immigrant looking for a better life without knowing what will happen later in the future, just waiting fort my time to come, but I been waiting too long for what's going to happen to me. I'm still trying to be legal in this country but I hope someday I may be. I am still waiting for the next day to come sitting 24/7 in my cell but sometimes I feel like giving up. I can't take no more, someone give me a break, god please give me a sign. I been doing good these few days that I been locked up. What have I done wrong to deserve this? It's because I had some cocaine in my right jeans pockets. Please judge have mercy. Everybody deserves a second chance or third chance, cuz I know if you send me to my country, I will suffer from eating. I won't have nothing to eat, not even frijoles and rice. I won't be able to get a job, cuz my record is bad. I feel sad and the cholos will be looking for me. They will know I'm back home but I will go away from home cuz ellos me qieren matar, but I pray to God nothing wrong me. Later in the future I want to be someone . I don't want to be the same person anymore. I will change if you give me another chance, so please Lord, tell the judge I want to stay here.

None

I hate having to be here again and miss time. I don't think I will be going home any time soon and it sucks because I can't see the people I care about, like my girlfriend and friends and family. I also don't know how long my girl is going to wait for me. It is also hard because there is no one I can talk to about all these things that are bothering me and I have no control over what the judge is going to do. My P.O. also came and told me that the police came to her and said that I am looking at 40 new charges just since I've been in here. It is sometimes hard to sleep at night because I have so much on my mind and have no control over the situation and can only wait to see what they are going to do with me.

Goals

Teacher's Note: We recenly hosted an amazing guest speaker, Komplex, who challenged us all to dream big!

When I grow up, I would like to be a Forensic Scientist. I would like to do that because it grabs my interest. I find the study of bodies interesting and I would be willing to study for it. I know that with science comes a lot of math but I know that I can do it. I also learned that if I dream big, then eventually, my dreams will come to pass. I also understand that you will have to plan and visualize your plan.

The Lead Ran Out

I'm locked up and don't have a key
I don't even remember who I used to be
I count the days on my wall
I try not to slip and try not to fall
What I've done wasn't worth it
but nobody on this planet is perfect
only if I could go back in time
I will change my mind and walk a straight line
The things I've done were not always good
because I was born and raised in the hood
I've finally figured out what I'm about
but before I could write it the lead ran out

Feel My Pain

I've struggled most of my life
It's been a struggle keepin my head up towards the sky
But no one sees what I see, no one understands me
at night I lie awake and begin 2 pray as the tears roll down my face
I pray for a day a day my sins can go away and pray to be let in on Judgement Day.
I pray for a better day, a day that is not filled with so much Hate.
I ask for a day I can escape all the misery and pain.
I ask you 2 feel my pain for I will be free someday.

Then and Now

I was happy but
now I'm sad
I had a room
but now I have a cell
I became weak

But soon I'll become stronger

A Rhyme

My thoughts are shifting
my body's drifting
as I sit, my soul
is lifting
As I drink, my thirst
is quenching,
I go to find my spirit
but yet it's missing

A Favorite Book

One of my favorite books that I ever read was A Long Way Gone; it's about a boy named Ishmael who was living a normal life until a war struck his town in Sierra Leone and how he loses his family and is forced into war, killing and robbing people. Then some people come pick him up and put him in a place similar to a group home or Juvenile Detention Center. He sees his enemy and they fight them and some other interesting stuff. This is my favorite because it is just how my life story is. I was born and raised in a neighborhood that was peaceful for young kids but when I grew up because I was from that neighborhood and they were all my friends I was forced into war (in street terms, beef) and since we didn't have a lot of money I was forced to steal and rob until I got caught by the police and put into a Juvenile Detention Center where I see people I beef with so I fight them.

Three Months

Well, it's only been about three months, and I'm back. Only three months. This is crazy. I shouldn't be coming in here like this. But, it's because of my situation on the outside. At home, everything isn't going well with me and my mother. It's really stressful to think about. To know that, if I don't get everything situated on the outside by the time I get released, it's an 85% chance that three or four months later, I'll be right back here in this Detention Center writing in this composition book. And, it's really stressful. Really stressful, then to add on top of that, some staff come to work, just ready to lock somebody in their room. I just hope I get this custody situation situated. That way I wouldn't have to see the inside of this place again. Because honestly, I'm ready to make a change. I'm ready to start getting on the right track, and get my grades back in order. Things like that. But hopefully everything goes okay.

Causes of Conflict

First and foremost, I don't think many people in the world today understand the true meaning of why we even come across conflicts through our life span, not saying I'm the world's smartest person, but at times I don't understand why so many conflicts come my way. Most of all conflicts in our lives are things we may put into our lives without even noticing or it could just be something unexpectedly meant to happen. Conflicts in our families could consist of the distance and bonding we may lack as an individual. I think the biggest conflicts in the world are people who think because they come from the hood that's the only lifestyle out there worth living, but in reality is it? Is it worth dying, killing, or even committing crimes that take away our freedom? Most of all I think war has the biggest conflict. I mean, what about the soldiers not coming home this year? And the dead bodies all over the place or the innocent children in Africa who don't got a roof over their heads, or food to eat. And another big conflict out there in the world is kids having kids. People don't realize these things because they aren't necessarily in that situation, truthfully myself included. Conflicts in my opinion are all about overcoming the impossible and making life-time changes. Conflict can be about irrelevant things people choose to argue over and go out here fighting and gang-banging. Conflicts are a life learning lesson that people should learn from instead of making the conflicts spread.

Haikus!

Teacher's Note: As part of our multidisciplinary enrichment week, the education staff and students at the Detention Home studied China and the Olympics. Here are some of our haikus!

my cheeseburger is
the best with hotsauce at lunch
better at dinner

months of detention
motivation was the key
I'm more determined

pollution is here
killing me all over the world
we need green indeed

lost in this big world
wishing I could spread the peace
I am just an ant

I got writer's block
can't think of a decent rhyme
I'll just chill, kill time

it's a new lifestyle
going home and won't be back
It's not like my home

Cowboys are the best
they're going all the way this year
we can not be stopped

I like Halo 3
I like the X-Box 360
I need a remote

head bobbin music
brand new flavor in my ear
my mind can't get enough

I really don't know
why I keep coming back here
I really must stop

Life is such a pain
it's like a really dark train
hope I find the light

girl girls girls girls girls
can't live with them or without
they can be stressful

elementary
I was getting straight A's and B's
then it went downhill

you have to play hard
you got to put in effort
just to win the gold

respect is something
that is critical to show
give it and go home

a brand new year means
a brand new tear for all my
friends who died last year

a new football year
which will have some obstacles
skins in superbowl

locked behind locked doors
the life of a criminal
saddening all our loved ones

life is hard at times
physically emotionally
scarred is what it leaves u

I want to go home
I have to be confident
this place is too strict

The Untold Acts of Mind

Time is an object of the mind
as Time and pain influenced by a soul
can be cruel beyond reason
but as I am a heaven sent dove
locked away in the devil's cage
caught in the sweet smell of sin
the devil lured me in and captured
with the trickery and mind tricks
of power and greed
raised of Darkened foolishness
then God told me to fall back
into the arms of my angel
but I could not see
for I was in darkness too long
the light of purity and forgiveness
had blinded me but as
I realized I was the
savior of my mind and soul
the mind is the object that
only you can make the mold for

A.S.

My Mistakes

My Mistakes

I have a hard time forgiving myself for some of the things I’ve done. Though some of the things that have happened I realize aren’t my fault, but some were. I feel like for a lot of my life I have been naïve and selfish. I know I can’t undo a lot of the stupid stuff I’ve done, all I can do I make it better, which I guess you could say I’ve been trying to do. Though before I didn’t try, or care, enough to make things better. After I left my residential treatment center I though I had gotten myself together, for the most part. But somewhere along the way I fell back into a few bad habits. Now I’m being put in foster care again, this time for a year until I turn 18. It sucks because I think I should have been given one more chance with my mom, though I understand where everyone else is coming from too. I have been given a lot of chances and for the most part screwed them all up. But I really wanted to do good this time and the only reason I had missed school all those days was because I was sick, I even had doctor’s notes to prove it. But yet I still get punished.
I have made a lot of strides yet every time I go to court they always focus on the negative. It’s never “Great job you’re not depressed any more” or “Congrats on being sober 2 and a half years”. Of course not, that would be insanity.