A City that Never Sleeps

I'm from a city that
never sleeps and where you
hear gunshots and someone
dies and all you hear is
a mother weep

Outside on the
corner where the crackheads b hanging out
shooting up dope and killing thereself slow
drug dealers walk around with bags of white powder
selling it to the crackheads and don't care if they
selling it to an old man

some people wonder why I wear nice-fit
expert clothes and diamonds around my neck and
wrist because where I'm from you that dude
when you dress like this but if you get
caught loafing you'll get shot from standing like
this

People get shot almost all the time but the
news crew don't come around when the hood
loses one of ours all I see is blue and red lights
the police jumping out on my mans because they heard
he had six bags

Where I'm from it's M.O.E money over everything
no more where it's every man for himself
a lot of people who you think your friend turn on you when you
come up and your mans gonna try to stick you up

Mom

The most important person in my life is my mother cause she was always there whenever I need a shoulder to lean on. She was there when I was sick. She was there when I had problems. Ain't nothing like having a mother. I love my mother with all my heart! She is going to be that woman to always help me overcome my fears and all. A couple years ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It scared me cause she was someone that I just can't lose. She the backbone of our family. She holds it together. I'm just so glad stuff worked out with that. But for people that don't have their mother I'm sorry but for people who do, love your mother and give them all the respect cause you only got one. I'm serious. If only I could be with my mother right now I would be soo happy! I love my mother. I'd do anything to be home with her. That is the important person in my life.

Tamed Pain

I'm from tamed pain
in the eyes of the beholder
I'm nothing
below all
but to me
I'm above all
I stand
I'm in pain
but never ashamed
I'm from ghetto love
where my love is taken
and not given
So I get higher than the ceiling
Higher than my feelings
I go on a killing spree
I'm from liquor & corner stores
where cluckers walk freely
I'm a thug bug
so stay away
for my hugs are kisses of hell
you can't rebel
I'm from pretty chicks
ten in the face
slim in the waist
with a .22 caliber in your face
I'm from where you kill & steal to get
a meal
where you have to be careful where you walk
cause you'll get [messed] up
I'm from the hood
a hood rat
yeah I'm that
proud & I'll say it loud
cause where I come from is Washington
where I strive to stay alive

Trying to Change

I can't focus on anything right now. I want some weed, some alcohol...anything to numb my frustration. I want to yell. Shout. Punch. Kick. I'm trying to change for the better but I just don't want to. I like smoking my lungs black, I like drinking. I like partying. I like being home. As long as I'm not hurting someone else, why do others care so much. Man [edited] Aurora House. I don't want to be helped, I barely love myself nowadays. All I did was steal some money. I wish they would've locked me up then sent me home. But noooo they want to get deep in my feelings and BS. I smoke because I have control and I like to get high. I drink because I like to have fun. I can wait until it's legal...fine, whatever but regardless I'm going to do what I want to do when I can. So like I said, [edited] Aurora House. I'd rather listen to my mom than some random [woman] that thinks they truly know "my type"...wtf is "my type"? I know who I am.

1. I'm bisexual
2. I'm a gang member
3. I'm black and Spanish (I don't tell anyone).

Between These Walls

Here I am in this room
surrounded by four walls
and with no way to go home.
I see people leave
this place but weeks later
they're back again. But
day and night I pray to God
to please keep my family
safe and strong.

Letter to Maria Reyes (No. 4)

Dear Ms. Maria Reyes,

Yesterday when you told us about your speech about personal things that happen in your life it was dramatic, reality, and emotional. You are a strong woman because you have to live day and day out in a neighborhood that has nothing but violence and drugs, and on top of that you are a 3rd Generation Gang banger back in the day. The speech you gave us inspired me ever since I left the gym because I know things happen for a reason but I don’t want to be locked up anymore. I want a better future for myself. That same night I was thinking of what you said that your moms had to do 3 jobs just to pay the bills but also sometimes she even paid all of her rent and your pops was going in and out of prison. That hit me like a million bullets shooting through my body because I’m thankful that I have clothes behind my back and shelter for me to live in. But sometimes I wonder how it feels to be poor and banging on the streets because I gotten into so much trouble lately and I need a good punishment for my actions. I thank you for coming down to the detention center and telling us about your experience in life because when I get out of this joint I’m going to do the best I can to change my life cause I don’t want to be separated from my family and friends anymore. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your neighborhood changes for the next generation! But I got one question for you, if you would ever go back to the past to change anything what would it be and why? Be safe out there.


Sincerely,
Anonymous

Letter to Maria Reyes, Number 3

Dear Maria Reyes,

Well first of all I want to say thank you for taking some time off and coming to talk to all of us. Once again thank you for coming….

By the way my name is [Juan] , and I’m 17 years old, I’m from CALIFORNIA, SANTA ANA. I guess we have something in common don’t you think? We are both from the same state. Anyways, Maria I want to tell you somethings about my personal life, because I think that I’m living the same life that you lived a couple of years ago. My life at this point is kind of hard and pretty much I been struggling with it. I know life is a risk but some times it gets too risky, don’t you think? Well I been in my gang for five years, I was jumped in since I was eleven years old, since that point on I been in juvenile hall four times with this one…I been doing things that affect me and my family, and only because of the homeboys. Maria I been trying to get away from the gang, and from the homeboys and most of all from those temptations that get me in to a lot of trouble, but I can’t, and you should have and idea of how life is for gang members, don’t you? Once your in, there is only one way out, one is either death or do life in prison, but that is what the homeboys say when you get jumped in, I still remember those words. But I have a big feeling that there is another way out, but is to hard for me to realize what way is it going to be. I gotta admit that you were a tough girl to do what you did, knowing what could happen to you, and hey you did the rite thing... the day that you came to talk to all of us, you open up my eyes with those words that you said to us, your words got me thinking a lot and they made me realize the truth… I know that we are not different from each other, we are the same, except with one exception I’m a vato and you’re a woman, and if you changed your life around, that means that I can do it too, by doing the same thing that you did, and that’s by doing the ‘’Right Thing’’.

By the way Maria as I’m writing you this letter the class and I are watching the ‘’Freedom Writers Movie’’ and to be honest I love the movie a lot... it shows a lot of racism and how young people like us can change everything around if we work together.. I like the book too, but the first time I read it, it got me confused, but after I saw the movie, I understood everything that happen in the book... Well Maria this is all I want to say to you, and it was an honor to meet you, on the real I got happy to know that you were coming to talk to us, once again ‘’THANK YOU’’ and it was a pleasure to meet you… take care and keep your head up…

P.S… with love & respect, hopefully you write back:)

Freedom Fighter

A young black girl with hopes and dreams
trying to make her way through by any means
she was stuck in a world with sex and lies
at night she couldn't go to sleep cause all she do is cry
she was filled with pain and sorrow
thinking to herself can she live for tomorrow
she wouldn't listen to her mother
no father was near
she has no hope only filled with fear
she was known for sitting along
a smile? HA! That never shown
she saw something that was stuck in her mind
thinking about it time after time
she tries to hide it, she has given up
as she says to herself, "Life sucks!"
F***! is there no luck?
she sleeps her mind away to be
she says her dreams is better than reality
nightmare the dark is ligher
dreams she is a freedom fighter!

Second Letter to Maria

Dear Ms. Maria,

My name is [withheld] and I appreciated you coming in and talking to us. I am in a gang also and part of me wants to leave all that alone but at the same time it is a huge part of my life. I felt like you were telling my story over but just a little different.
When you made the statement about not being apart of that gang and disowning them, it sort of inspired me like big time. I thought about all the girls my age that loved being a crip. (Oh, that’s the gang I’m in). Anyway, including me we rep it hard and we make it seem like that’s all we want to do when we get older. Get pregnant, rep our gang, smoke, drink, party…blah blah blah. But I don’t want that, I want to be a nurse practioner, I want to be respected for the things I’ve done not the people I’ve hurt or killed. Only thing is right now I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like I just want to give up (I also feel like I am rambling in this letter).
Anyway, before I pour my heart out to you and embarrass myself I just wanted to again thank you for coming in and sharing with us your words of wisdom. Each time I get passes from my group home and go around my old hanging spots I will remember you and push myself to do the right thing no matter what.



Yours Truly,
Anonymous 2

First Letter to Maria Reyes, Freedom Writer

Dear Maria Reyes,
Hello my name is [anonymous] the one, who asked where you got your jeans from, and I want to thank you for coming and talking to us about how you made it and that you didn’t give up. It takes a lot of courage to come all this way to talk to us.
You have made me think about my life and think do I really want to be this person people think I am. I have been through a lot and how I’m going to make it, I feel I can do it from your experience. You said that you didn’t like school that much and I hate school but I need it to be better if I want to get somewhere in life. I’m not that good in typing letters so, I just want to thank you a lot and you helped me see something different in my life that I didn’t know I had. You changed the way I see things. Talk soon.

A Civilized Person

In my days here in the New Beginnings Program, I've learned a lot. I've worked on my gang involvement, my anger, respecting authority figures. This program helped me with a lot. Now I have 35 days left in here. I'm going home soon. Now I'm working on getting my home pass and going back to school. This program showed me my positive side. I been here for 7 months. For these 5 months, I worked hard. My pride is my downfall and that's that's the one thing even when I get out I will still work on. I never thought that I will change but these six months helped me understand who I was and who I want to be. So from dis forth I'm no long psycho but a regular human being, a civilized person.

To Be Great

To be great
but misunderstood
no one knows what going on
everything is too great
but people don't understand
me I'm talking to a brick wall
you don't understand the pain I'm
feeling, but you can see me crying, don't
tell me how I feel, and don't say you understand
because you don't know my pain. You
misunderstand what I just said, you don't know
my pain, I hate that being in jail make
me feel this way, go away, I just want
to fly away. I'm misunderstood but life
is great.

Pain

Pain behind my eyes, scared to cry
pain because I can't show weakness
pain for me being gone
pain for wasting my life, four and a half years blown
pain not being cared for, by no one, not even at home
I got pain for being left behind
something like a lost memory in the back of someone's mind
pain from the fights, all the blood that's been
pain is something that seems to love me but
when it comes in many forms it hurts times 3
pain is my everything because it's
the only thing I'm familiar to,
it's just something that's a part of me
but my pain grows
it grows blind to me because no one sees
no one else feels the pain I hold inside of me

L.O.V.E. (my little brother)

For me I have to say that out of anything in the world, I love my little brother Shakur the most. The reason I love him the most is because anything I do, no matter if I'm right or wrong, he still takes up for me because he knows I love him and that show me he loves me too. I take up for him all the time too. Sometimes we fight and argue but then next thing you know is that we are playing around with each other again. He also gets on my nerves sometimes too and I know from being his big brother that I get on his nerves sometimes too. He also knows that I wouldn't let anything in the world happen to him. He knows that if anyone older than him no matter what age they are messes with him he knows who to call. My little brother Shakur, my little bud and best friend. I love you lil bruh!

Choices

Everyone makes good and bad choices. Most of the choices I make when I think about it are bad. I know they were bad because they landed me in here. JDC. Even I know why the choices I make gets me in trouble and that's because I never think! I don't never try to think about the consequences, or how the victim would react. The only thing I thought about was the idea of doing bad things. When I look back I think about what would have happened if I didn't do what I did, the chances of me coming here would be less. I just want to apologize to everyone I ever offended and ever hurt.

Real Talk

This place beat me
up my head hurts
back hurts my legs
hurt my chest hurts
I'm hurt so when
I get out I will
refresh myself with
all new things new
people new places
brand new person
Real Talk

Free Time!

In my free time, I like to draw. I think that I'm good at art. I take art classes every year just so I could get better at what I like to do. My parents think I am a really good drawer too. If it's good they congratulate me, and if it's bad they talk to me because they know I could do better. My parents show a lot of love for me. Every visiting day I never have to worry because I know that my parents are coming to check and see if I'm ok. If my parents don't come to a visit, I know that they had to be somewhere very important because this time I only was sentenced ten days and my parents told me that they will be at every visit. I can't wait until the 5th of Nov. because that's when I get released. November 5th at 4. It seems that I been in here forever but I only been in here three days. I have 7 days to go. I wish they hurry so they could be over with.

Misunderstood

"To be great is to be misunderstood" ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think that when great, you have people that think you're inadequate. They put you in society's media stereotypes and say that you will never amount to anything. People don't understand where you're coming from and misplace you in a columnized stereotype from where you come from, your race, religion, and all these other things that have nothing to do with you educationally. Society labels you as illiterate but when you succeed they are confused and they misunderstand who we are. Don't judge us if you don't want to be put on the stand.

Pale as Paper

Today is just another boring day like every other, just waiting for it to go by. I wish I could feel the cold air of the outside rush past my body. I'll do anything at this point just to breathe the air outside. If I could I'll run butt naked outside. It's been so long that I feel like I'm going as pale as a damn paper.

Changing Within All My Challenges

My Thoughts

My love for music. My love for being free. I can’t take all this constructive control.

I want to go home and be free like a bird without a tracking device attached to my ankle and have to tell “master” everywhere I go and everything that I do. That gets to me like, I wish I could just rewind time all over again and just start over. I wish I had a time machine and I could go back to the times where I messed up and choose a different way of how I did things and just think; wait this is truly the only time I have actually stopped and thought about what I did wrong and instead of blaming every body else for my mistakes, I’m blaming myself. Man I am actually growing and becoming the true person I really am and don’t have to sugar-coat anything like I would do all the time. I miss my mom and can’t wait to go home so I can just start over and get everything that I’ve done out on the table with my mom and don’t have to think about everything, every day, every minute. I am ready to change because I am changing within all my challenges.

The Flame

I got to chill out
because I'm like a flame
that doesn't bring a good fame
if I don't chill myself out
law will and they're colder than ice
and when I say I need to chill out
it's another word for change
but not all the way
I'll always be the same
I just need to bring down my flame
and maybe it will bring a good fame

Court

I hate going to court, especially in the morning. I hate the way that it makes me nervous and the way it smells but the biggest thing I hate about court is how they got a judge that is equal to everybody else making the choice whether your freedom should be taken away or not. I think the only person for that spot is God but that's never going to happen. The world will never be at peace until all the money in the world is gone and people learn to love instead of hate.

A Long Way Gone

Teacher's Note: This poem emerged from a final assessment I gave on our class reading of A Long Way Gone.

I'm running
and can't find my way
I'm a long way gone
I can't feel my face
so deep in the world's war
I've lost my sight
to regain it.
I am in fright
seeing day by day
I want to fight
fight the animals that come
to my path
and I'm scared
cause I have to fight
machetes, G3s, grenades,
and all
I hate running
I can't see me or my family
at all
to over come is to join
and become the monster
I hate.
Fear
and want to shake
I stand but I'm shaking
all wet and cold
my knees shaking
persistently
I'm scared and want to get out
I'm a long way gone
and have not found
the light
blood running down
from my eyes
I'm beginning to see
see the smoke
hear the screams
I run down teh hill
to the scene
but when I get there
it's all the same I've seen
I'm tired
but I run
to get away from RUF
before I burn
my hands bound
my mind confused
I have till morning
before I begin to lose
my eyes firey red
because I haven't been to
sleep
I'm afraid if I do sleep
I will fall deep
but I'm a long way gone
Am I already asleep?

Love

Love is an emotion
When two doves fly
they become one
the doves love
each other and
never leave
they are happy
and fly with joy.

Man and Woman

There's something you have always done to never be seen.
I may not see you on the lines but maybe in between.
There will always be something better than what you have.
So you go out and get it instead of being glad.
Once given a change to stop you think of starting.
Your mind races as your thoughts are darting.
If you are alive then it could always be worse.
But you can come in 2nd or 3rd and still be first.
Your memories lead you down a very dark path.
Then instead of being in the lead you start to become last.
As high as the stars even the moon
or as low as the flowers when they begin to bloom
this is the end also the beginning
so you never lose because you're always winning.
these are emotions of man and woman
but my question is...where do you fit in?

Favorite Books

Well that type of books that I like are books that got to do with people's past and struggles in life like being in a gang and what they had to go through or how some are addicted to drugs and what it lead them to. So recently I read a book named Runaway and the other one was named Inside the Crips and the reason I got attached to this book is because he was talking about how his life was and how the gang life was, how he felt about certain things, how he had to do time in prison and what he experienced in there and how he started doing drugs and how at the end he tried to change everything and make something better for his future. And there was a lot in these books that I can compare to and how there are certain people that you can/can't trust just so much. When I read these kinds of books, I start to picture myself in their footsteps and I actually start thinking about life and how much people go through and how much stuff is out there (good stuff) that we haven't experienced and we just letting it go to waste by not thinking about our consequences about how we react and then think instead of thinking and then reacting in a positive way.

Don't Set Yourself Up

Well it’s been crazy lately how as you get older you start realizing all the problems in this world. That’s probably why my hair is falling out and being lock up doesn’t help any thing. It’s just eating me up knowing that I set myself up like this because when you really think about it, you put yourself in a situation where some one tells you what to do, tells you when you can speak and I used to say who the hell are you to put me on Quiet Time and they would say I’m staff and you’re not! Ok. So. Does that make you a better human or make me less of a human? That’s just a name you have because of your job. Once you leave here, you’re just like me, human. So this always gets me thinking how unfair life is, not because you make it unfair. It’s what people for generations before us made it and it lives on through many more generations. It’s funny now much power us humans have; we can turn a beautiful place or thing into something ugly. Like for example, say your favorite restaurant out of no where had the rudest host manager and all the things you like about your favorite restaurant become ugly. All the beauty of the restaurant becomes ugly just by somebody being rude or affecting what you used to think about the place. Because the place is still just a restaurant, it always seems to be the people there that might mess you all up. Well besides all these things I see how unfair jails and programs are. They say they’re not here to change who you are but yet they criticize you and say it’s constructive criticism. To me criticism is just criticism. But like I was saying they tell you more on what you need to work on than all the things you can keep like your personality. Yea, some people have bad ones, some have humorous ones, and in here you obviously can’t have either because others will put you down just because they don’t like something about you or just one day they’re having a bad day and tell someone how annoying they are or how they need to work on something. To me that’s the same as asking someone to change something in a different way. What I’m getting at with this is people’s moods and mindset can change everything around us or even your thoughts. But whatever it is, I’ve learned not to take everything people say to me personally whether it’s good or bad. Like when someone compliments on how good your day is going, and how happy they are with you. I’ve learned they’re only saying it because they’re in a good mood. But if they were mad or mad at you they wouldn’t say that. So sometimes it’s good not to take what people say personally or assume things even though it happens. It’s just the way things are. All of this is coming from fear of being myself around strangers because they (others) rather see me quit than be my silly, funny self. That’s why being locked up is eating away at who I really am and I’m tired of victimizing myself in these types of ways. That’s my wake up call that I got from being here locked up. All I’m saying is don’t set yourself up, because everything is about your choices and the consequences that come out of the choices you make, whether they are good or bad. Life is Life.

The Cycle of the Streets

Sometimes I go to my cell and think about how my life has changed ever since my brother's incarceration. I think I needed this in my life, cause really my life was pretty much just I would wake up, go out, chill with my [friends] and get some money, buy weed and smoke. Sometimes I would drink but not as often. I really needed a change in my life. I would try to do something but it wouldn't work. I would get bored on whatever I was doing and go right back smoking and chilling, and it was a cycle that I could not stop and I ain't gonna lie, I really didn't wanna stop. When you live in the life of violence and drugs, you find it really hard to get out of this cycle. You get used to getting in trouble. You slowly find out that it's just like the game "cops and robbers" but the only difference is, this ain't no game, this is real life and if you get caught you would go to real jail and won't be going home. That's what happened to me and that's why I'm here. Hopefully I get out before I explode and get more time in jail.

Cherish the Moments

Hold what you have now until beyond, because you never know what you got till it's gone." That was a closing sentence from a song called "You Never Know" by Immortal Technique. The song talks about not taking full advantage of someone and ending up losing them in the end and not cherishing the moments you had and shared. I follow this saying because I too have felt this way before in a relationship I had and didn't cherish moments and didn't take it seriously.

Gangs

When in a gang, you're looking for a family that you don't have.

They say to kill, u kill.
They say to stab, u stab.
They say to rape, u rape.
They say to hurt the children, you hurt children.
They say to fight, u fight.
They say to shoot a gun, u shoot.
They say to smoke weed, u smoke.
They say hurt families, u hurt families.
They say drop out, you drop out.
They say what they say
but you do what they say
or you'll be killed for
your life and/or jumped badly.

But just one question
how do I get out
how do I get away from the gang/drug life?

Trust No One

I do not talk to those who I do not know for they are liars and cheaters and cannot be trusted. I am in here because after I did wrong, I felt bad for what I have done so I tried to turn over a new leaf, a good leaf. They said nothing will happen to me for I was doing the right thing. Those who said they would look out and speak on my behalf was the same ones who spoke fire, burning me as time went on so trust no one. Everyone is your enemy.

Judgement

I wish people would not judge me based on how I portray myself, my physical appearance, or my actions. For example, every time a male comes across, it's like I am psychic towards what they are thinking about me. I can read the male species like a book. And I have the same opinion for all guys in general: they only want one thing, and that is the goods.

When I was living on the streets for some time of my life, random guys would come up to me asking why such a beautiful girl is lying down on a bench in the projects? They I would respond by saying I am going through a lot right now and I really have to where else to go at the moment. At the time I was very vulnerable and desperate, so as long as the guy spit his game the right way I would tag along with him. But what amazed me the most about these men was how two-faced they were. First they are nice, respectful gentlemen who just tell me what I wanna hear like "Oh, well, I can help you out and get you off of these streets. It looks like you need to get somethin to eat and seems to me that you need to bathe and need to lie down for a while because you look very exhausted. If you go with me, I can take care of you." But little did I know that the phrase, "I can take care of you" meant something outside the box. They basically said, "We gon get it on when we hit my spot", but camouflaged what they really meant.

So once they had me in a good position with no one around, after about five minutes, the guy would start touching me in areas that were uncomfortable. I do admit, sometimes I let them caress me, but a lot of the time I really wasn't in the mood to have sex with them because first of all I was in no position to even feel any type of pleasure because of me being homeless, and second of all, the men that I turned down were denied for a reason: too dang old!

The ones that I rejected got angry and I got to experience the real side of them that I have never seen before. The nice, respectful "gentlemen" that I met not to long ago had vanished and now I was facing the cold-hearted,cruel, physical man. but back to my point from the very beginning. I wish people (men in general) would just stop judging me based on my appearance and how I portray myself because when they come across me, they think I am a promiscuous teenager who prostitutes for money. I wish men wouldn't look at me as just a piece of (@#!), but I guess I am just gonna have to deal with it, keep my head up and stay strong because people like that is gonna pass my way everyday.

The Day

The day I became a dealer
the day I became gang related
the day I shot a gun
the day I saw a murder
the day I got locked up
the day I got snitched on
the day I saw the rapes
the day I saw u killed in my eyes
the day I shot u
the day I stabbed u
the day all this came along
the day this came to me
the day we hurt their families
the day I killed u
the day I buried a grave
the day I left u is still
hanging above my head
the day we jumped them kids
the day I gave you stitches
in your head
So when's the day it all stops?

What I've Learned

I been locked up four months now at NVJDH and I can say that I've learned a lot being in here. I learned that sometimes you need to let things slide, life's too short to be angry all the time. By getting angry at someone or something you're giving them what I like to call "your inner strength" and the control you need instead of yourself. I've also learned that many friends don't show their true colors until you're far away from them. Man how quick people forget about you. But as soon as you come back they make it seem as if nothing happened. I let it slide twice but this time I'm cutting them off permanently.

A Rhyme for Anne Frank

This a little something on the Anne Frank's diary,
About the struggles she overcame an how she truly inspired me.
In 1942 Hitler occupied Holland,
An that dude was no joke, some compare him to Stalin.
No one knows why he did what he did an tried to blame the Jews,
Historians have been searching for years for answers but still no clue.
It all started in 42 Anne was just a lil girl,
But little did she know that lil 263 would turn into that lil girl’s world.
She transitioned from a normal little kid with a normal lil family,
To a bird in a coop that’s slowly swarming though insanity.

My Life As a Foster Child

My name is anon. and I’m a foster child. The life I live on a daily basis is not easy. I move from home to home if there is a problem. I have two other sisters that are in foster homes and we don’t live together. Everyday I ask myself, ”Why me?” On May 18, I got a phone call from my social worker, telling me to pack my things because I will be moving to Columbia, M.D. This is one of many things I hate that I have to go through as a foster child. When I got to the new home, I was very depressed and sad.I didn’t know anyone and I had to make new friends. Even though the people I lived with were nice, I just couldn’t cheer up. It has been almost a year now and I’m doing a little better with the environment, but there is still something missing from my life. I haven’t heard from my sisters, mom, or dad and I knew something wasn’t right. The weekend comes and I get a phone call from my social worker saying two of my uncles has passed away. That night I cried for a long time and didn’t eat for two days. That weekend I packed some clothes and ran away to D.C. where my family was located. While there, I‘d met the love of my life and we started hanging out all the time. It’s been three months since I ran away and I’m doing fine by myself; also I’m happy. About two days later, I got caught and put in a Detention Home and here I am today.

No Pretty White Fence

Growing up in Congress Park, I didn’t have no pretty white fence surrounding my house; all I had was the streets and also poles, sticks and bottles, such things of that nature, but I was never ashamed of where I lived because my household tried to make the best of it and we did. My life was crazy when I was growing up with such things like : fighting, arguing , and things of that nature. I mean there would be times I would think about what I can become on earth but my mind would slip away in my environment. I wasn’t no get wit but I just some how got adapted to what was always around me 24/7, not saying it was in my household but you know what I mean. I was that hype lil [edited] when I was real young. I always knew how to have fun even when times were boring. I first lived on 13TH and Congress Park in the southeast area in DC. When I say hard times I mean hard times. Around where I lived s**t happened. I seen plenty of [edited] get they [butt] whooped over something stupid. Plus I got with the programs most of the times. I can remember when me and my cousin was fighting; our aunt would tell us we family, we are not supposed to be fighting. We both took that to heart. All my people’s had the love for money so I grew up.

Fighting

There's a certain thing that I used to do twice a day and maybe more in the jail facility I came from, [Withheld] County Jail, down in Memphis, TN, and that certain thing was fighting. But that doesn't mean that I like fighting. The reason I used to fight was because there it wasn't nothing like here in NVJDH. There is was a small hallway with six cells with bars, where people threw nasty stuff in our cell and we all used to come out to watch TV together and that's where the fights would start. Also, the reason I used to fight is because I have a very bad anger problem. If somebody messes with me or does something that gets on my nerves, I become mad easily and say things bad enough to start a fight.

Time Heals Nothing

If you knew me, you would know that being incarcerated is the worst thing that can happen to you. Each and every day that goes by is worse than the day before. Time heals nothing. I don't know how some of these guys get used to this. Even though you do everything the same way each day, it is something that I feel that is not meant for me. Just thinking that I'm here being babysat while she is out sleeping in her comfy bed, eating whatever she pleases, going to the movies, going to Stoves, hanging out with friends, enjoying life, while I'm in here, depressed and worried about my case.

Regrets

One of my biggest regrets I made in life was when I joined a gang. Because of that I never liked school and have always been on the streets and they put me on probation. Representing a certain color or number is pointless, regardless of what the situation is. Different color, flag, same color skin. People putting others in body bags. I see dat as a dumb thing. My train of thought changed at a certain point. I became more mature and am leaving what I did and what happened in the past.

Important Dates

There are plenty of dates that are important to me, but the most important date for me would be on Sept. 7, 2009. On this day my girlfriend will be giving birth to my first child, a baby boy. I just hated that on Dec 31, 2008, I got locked up and ever since I have missed seeing her belly get big and what I hate the most is that I also will be missing her giving birth to him and most likely his first 3 to 4 months of his life. All this because of the wrong decision I made in the past. But I just wish that when I get back with them, I wouldn't have to spend no more time away from them.

My Freedom

When I was free, I always got into trouble for no reason. Charges like Assault and Battery, Possession, and evading the police. The worst crime I have ever been charged with is a level 2 felony, Intent to distribute. When I went to court the prosecutor had given me a plea that if I say “Guilty” then they would drop the charge to a level 3 misdemeanor “Possession of marijuana”.

So I plead guilty, without knowing any better at the time. My public defender had not talked to me before court and later told me it was an unwise decision to plea guilty because they had no evidence it was in my possession in the first place and that they had no probable cause and that they illegally searched me. They had no evidence because when the “jump out” unit “Jumped out” on me I had tossed my bag of marijuana on the ground.

I feel like it was an injustice because when they caught me they brutally assaulted me. I had gotten 2 blocks away from the officers quickly and over a fence then I turned a corner of an apartment building to continue on my get away when another officer was running toward me and punched me in the face. I think he had hit me as hard as he could and I was running full speed.

The injustice was not the fact that he had hit me the first time but then he continued to slam my head into the wet ground when I tried to get up. He even ripped my new jersey, straight down the middle. He didn’t even have a good reason to pick me up of the ground. I had stop resisting and had handcuffs on and he didn’t care how tight they were. I think my hands were turning purple; they were so tight they went numb.

So by then they found my weed, beat me down and ripped my brand new jersey. As if that was not enough they pressed charges on me and took me into the station for fingerprints without even reading me my rights.

Looking back on it now the only reason I think that I ran is because I had court two days later and I knew I was going to get locked up anyways.

Why Kids Join Gangs

I think the reason kids choose to join gangs is because they feel left out and not loved. So when a gang shows a kid that they'll always be there for them and shows some love, gives them some money, that makes them think bein a homie is the way to go. For example, that's the reason I got jumped into my gang because I never had a father or that love and money. And when you get into that gang life, it is addicting because you get used to all the things gang life has to offer. In my opinion, I think that there is nothing adults can do to prevent kids getting into gangs, because it's the kids choice, not theirs. Gang recruiting is the number one priority so the gang will do anything to get a kid in a gang and if adults try to stop recruiting, they might get hurt or killed.

True Facts

A place where some are never going home. A place where you gotta be told what and when to do it. A place where they show no love, give dap instead of hugs. Some cry, some smile, but the majority are senile. You're waiting for what seems forever, you got some not believing you won't come back and others giving you strength and courage to even believe in yourself that you won't come back. You got the lies, fairy tales and drama, then you got your twice a week phone calls to Mama. Have no fear, just wait till the nightmare disappears. Start a new life with a new you and eliminate bad peers.

You

You

It may not matter, it may not. It may.
But what do I know?
I’m the girl in your dreams,
But today I’ve come to tell you that
You can succeed in life just as much as me.

I’m not really here
I have to rediscover myself before I step out of my cycle of life and death
But I want to stay here, in this lifetime with you
Because my consciousness has created my with flesh and blood
I love you… You’re beautiful, you’re special, and you’re...

...you’re you.
I can bring you up with me,
If you would just believe and let me take you
To an imaginary world that you have never been
You’re mind is limited
But I can rescue you
From this earth, this life
You think this is bad, this life?
Not while I’m here.
And maybe you don’t believe
But I’m not really here.
I shall offer my hand and grant you immortality
I’ve never, in all my lifetimes, met anyone like you.
Open your mind, open your heart and trust me
Trust me to be with you every night even though I’m not there
Because my soul will remain by your side
I’m not dead, because I was never alive…
My love is pure and chaste, like a pond of perfect pearls.
It’s warm like the summer’s eve, so soft.
Chocolate for your soul
An ever-growing desire to be by you,
Because my liquid love bleeds for you
It’s in your subconscious,
But it’s there.
…My love for you.
Open your eyes and you will see me
I will rebirth you to a new life, because I love you.

What Is It That You Want?

What is it that you want?
My friendship or my soul
Will it add on to my life?
Make me whole or break me down
Are you looking to tear me apart?
What is it that you want?
My Body or my Heart?

The New Me

Well today is May 7th. I’m feeling kind of good cause I am looking forward to going home soon .Plus, when I go home I will have a job .My mom said that she is looking into me going to “ Job Corps “ . I think that is the best thing for me to do right now because I can’t seem to stay out of trouble in the environment I stay in. It will do me some good cause then I would be around new people. No detractions for once in my life time.LOL. Sooner or later, I’ll be out of school in off to college. Just call it the new TW. Better actions. Responsible. Independent. Better Me!!!!!!!

Trouble Just Follows

It was a Friday morning I woke up and my grandmother told me that I had court for my trespassing charge in Pentagon City Mall. I was kind of scared because I live in Maryland and everybody knows that Virginia doesn’t play. I was hesitating on whether I should go or not thinking about my plans for the weekend; I decided not to. It was basically like I put my fun time in front of my priorities which could have been the dumbest thing I had ever done. My judge was Judge Wiggins; I had already heard so much about her before even meeting her. I pictured her being like Judge Judy. I would later find out nope not even close. My judge was more lenient and fair then Judge Judy and the way people described Wiggins they siced it. I didn’t let my worries get the best of me. I partied hard that weekend just thinking about what might go down that following Monday when I turn myself in. April 20 I went to court and my judge ordered a Detention Hearing for failure to appear in court. She ordered that I be detained until May 6, which was my next court date. I had then realized she had just given me 15 days for failure to appear; boy was I blown. I had no one to be mad at but myself because I made that decision not to go so I had to suffer the consequences. I have court on May 18 and May 20 for petty and grand larceny. I have never been on probation, done any community service, taken any classes, house arrest, or nothing, so maybe she’ll let me off with any of the above. I wouldn’t mind doing any of those. As long as I don’t have to be in here, I’m good because I can’t stand this place. I learned that (North Virginia Juvenile Detention Home) is not the place to be. It’s not BAD but it’s not GOOD either. I love my freedom and never will I do anything to jeopardize that again. I’ve learned my lesson is what most people say but I’m not most people. I want to do something with my life and actually be someone kids younger than me can look up to. I’ve had enough and am ready to close this chapter in my life and start out fresh. I’m done with the past: out with the old and in with the new.

MY LIFE

"2014, 2014 it still 2014"

That what everybody is saying

My life went by fast

Graduated now in college,

Making $ 70 an hour

Living in San Francisco

Seeing the golden gate bridge
Going to pastry school
Day and night thinking about high school

My new life starting off good.

I am happy, satisfied with my life

Nothing bad could happen

Then i found out

That it was only a dream.

I can still remember
I can still hear them saying
"2014, 2014 it's still 2014

Fighting against Freedom

When they think I won’t hurt them because I’m a girl,
I love it.

When I listen to them talk trash, and I start getting close then their attitude changes,
I love it.

When I hit them hard and their blood stains my knuckles,
I love it

When they yell for help and nobody comes to their side,
I love it

When I kick them in the face and laugh at their anguish,
I love it

When the police show up and the handcuffs appear,
I hate it.

When I stand in front of the judge and the prosecutor is relentless,
I hate it.

When I’m behind locked doors and she is outside,
I hate it.

When she got some bruises, and some scars, I got my freedom taken away,
I hate it.

Getting Locked Up

This is my 3rd time getting locked up. Well the first time I came here was on July of 2007. The reason why I came here was because I didn’t obey my moms rules so I got locked up for three weeks and that’s how I got on probation. I got on probation august, 10, 2007. They gave me probation for one year.

When I went home I was on house arrest for 30 days. When I got off house arrest I had to follow a curfew and it was at 6:00 p.m. on week days and 7:00 p.m. on weekends. I had problems with my curfew because it was so early it would violate it a lot of the time and my mom would tell on me almost all the time. So I would get in trouble but not as much. It wasn’t until July of 2008 when I started to get consequences for my actions.

On July since it was summer and everybody likes to chill a lot my friend told to sleep over at her house and I was at the movies that night right by her house so I said I don’t know I don’t think my mom would let me. So she told me to call her and ask her and I did, but my mom didn’t pick up the phone so I was like “I’m going to stay and I’ll tell her tomorrow”. When I got home my mom had already called my probation officer and told her that I didn’t come home last night. So my P.O placed me on house arrest for 10 days. The first four days were okay I stayed home, but then I found out that my friends were having a party and I wanted to go so I violated house arrest just to go to the party and I wasn’t even worth it. When my P.O found out she put a detention order on me. And I had to go to court and 2 weeks and I knew I was getting locked up so I decided to do what ever I wanted to do for those 2 weeks. I would come home any time I felt like coming home.

Then my court day came and I got locked up for 25 days. When I went home they put on ISP. And I violated it but they didn’t locked me up again they just put me on house arrest. When I got of ISP. I kept on violating my curfew and not following my probation rules so I had court again and I got locked up again and here I am this is my 3rd and last time being locked up. All the other times I came here I took it like a game and I wouldn’t care and as soon I got out I would violate probation again. But this time is different I’ve been here for 27 days and I have three more weeks until my next court and I don’t know if I’m going home but I’m just going to do my time and when ever I get out I’m going to change. This time I really mean it I’m going to follow my rules and behave well and listen to my mom because I’m tired of being locked up and getting in trouble and making my mom waist her time in counseling and courts and all that. I want to get my life straight and do good and get of probation.

Solving a Problem

A time I solved a problem was during court. I had gotten violated but for no reason, when I didn't do anything Now my court date has passed, it was on Monday April 20, 2009, at 2:30 PM. Me and my father were waiting for a good minute; we didn't get in until around 3 PM. Once the judge said I'm gettin locked I just felt I honestly didn't care but what really mattered to me was my parents. All I remember seeing is my dad tearing up. I can see it in his eyes, how much he watned to cry. But he couldn't do anything. I just thank God that I'm about to leave in three or basically two days. This is going to be the first and last days I'm EVER coming back!

Dealing in Despair

Because Momma wasn't there
and poppa was a player
had me dealing in despair,
feeling life wasn't fair
and I had hoop dreams
still addicted to the street
wasn't worried 'bout nothing
big bro was backing me
now he sitting in the Fed's
and J.B. is in the ground
made a promise to my man
that I'll 4ever hold it down

Authority

People make certain situations difficult because they have the authority to, just because no one knows their motives, but you can only assume their motives are in the wrong place because there is no affect on them. They are lazy and they're just choosing that dollar but why make it difficult for us during the process?

Power

I feel happy some days and other days sad. People make me happy, people make me sick, people pick with me for no reason because they can and they choose to. For example, some people, they feel they have to show power for the wrong reasons. Some of the staff at NVJDH are rude and work for the wrong reason. Some don't take none of the kids' medical and physical requests at all. Some don't break a sweat but only at breakfast and lunch. That's the only time you'll see hard work. Some come to pick with detainees and not give us no guidance in life or advice about certain situations and are only here for a free meal. This is addressed to all the staff who act like Neanderthals and very hungry, very, very, very hungry and obnoxious.

A Son Needs His Mother

A son needs his mother so he always knows to
love....
A son needs him mother so he's not looking from
above....
A son needs him mother cause its something that he
needs....
A son needs his mother so he don't smoke that
weed....
A son needs his mother so he doesn't learn to hate....
I need my mother before it's too damn late....

Keep the End in Mind

Keep the End in Mind

They say keep the end in mind……
Cause you’ll never know when its time….
The day that your heart stops….
The day the wooden casket drops…..
Six feet underground…..
They're piling up a dirt mound….
Over all your dreams and hopes….
The whole family's there to mope…..
And now there all left with tears…
Hoping that god will hear….
Telling him to cut you slack….
But you’re never ever coming back….

Another Night in This Human Zoo

Another Night in This Human Zoo
Every night I sit up and wonder why I’m here?
I think back to a time to when my family was always happy.
Felt like smiles and sunshine surrounded us even on a rainy day.
A time when football and basketball was just another way me and my pops bonded even more.
But then I get dropped back in the dark hole we call reality.
Disrupted by the constant beeping of the hits that are making sure the doors are still locking the animals in.
The horrid sound that desists any happiness that is left within.
It’s a sound that keeps me from my dream…………

Returning Home

Night

Teacher's Note: this was written during our class unit on Night by Elie Wiesel.

When night falls down
I'm locked up in my room
no where to go, with only 3 windows
u can't even see out of.
When night falls down
I'm mad cause I can't see
the moon glow, so when I'm in my
room I roll over till I can't move
no more.
When night falls down
I'm mad cause I didn't
get to see sunlight or didn't
get to feel a breeze, because
I'm locked up behind locked
doors.
when night falls
when night falls
when night falls down.

War!

Soldier! Soldier!
War! War!
Through the tunnel
through the sewer
underground but through the town
when I rise, look around
notice nothing in this town
all alone, on my own
no one in this town
so I just wait around
not even a sound hit the ground
it's only me in this town
a soldier in this town.
war went through
but I wasn't around
underground while war went on
now I'm a soldier in this town.

Is This Where You Want To Be?

I'm in a place where you show no love
where people can walk all over you like a bug
so you stick your chest out and try to make it through
if someone gets in your face you act like a fool
most of the time you're in your cell
the only thing you look forward to is visiting or mail
people telling you what to do
and everywhere you go someone is watching you
I lost my freedom and I can't get it back
society won, so now I take a nap
I had a dream, I was happy and free
how ask yourself this question: is this where you want to be?

Jail House

In jail you go through
Trials and tribulations
Towels from masturbation
Crowds of people hating

You a in cage animal
Out rage cannibal
Ready to strike when any body put they hand on you
It’s the survival of the fittest and only the fit survive
You in the cage with all animals that will eat you alive

As time fly past
Your girl don’t last
Your brain die fast
You start to figure out your friends ain't really your friends
They talk about it they wasn’t about it they change since you came in

You might go in a soldier and come out sweet
You might go in gangster talking and don’t even come out and eat
Trust is a word that can’t be spoken in there
never under estimate nobody because you don’t know what they toting in there
If your body ain't built you better start lifting weights
It ain't no more guns its about your hand because you behind closed gates
Its young boys in there that was forced to be men
So the ticket to survival is to never come in

A Life Lesson

A fool is some body who doesn't listen
I got 2 ears and 1 mouth so I got to pay attention
I’m like a child that’s not being fed
I’m like a follower that’s not being led
I’m like a zombie that’s not even dead
I’m alieness
My goals never stop because I’m not afraid of success

A winning mind at any given time
Is a never ending mind that’s not afraid to climb
As I grow old in time but time doesn’t get older
I eventually get warm in time but times seem to get colder

How can I not fight when I’m not mentally strong?
And how can I be right when I’m meant to be wrong
How can I speak and not be spoken to
And how can I write and not be written to

Who I was and who I dream to be really don’t have any cooperation
Who I am and where I’m going that my only obligation
Pride is 1 of the reason I’m still liven
Respect is what I want but respect is not always given
All battles can’t be fought you got to pick and choose
And cant is not a word so don’t be so quick to loose

They put me in a class where the teacher don’t even teach
I try to extend my hand but its way out of their reach
Society tell us we aint nothing then digs you a hole
Put you 6 feet under and try to replenish your soul
Life is like a non stopping speeding train
So I’m going to be non stopping and see if you can feel my pain
Can we get some attention over here?
They talk about crime with a smile on the news
They talk about the streets but can’t walk a mile in my shoes
They try to explain the streets to people who don’t get it
They talk a good game but they really can’t live in it
They say we not failure’s but we was raised to fail
I wonder why you can’t find a good book in school but you can find 1 in jail

They don’t under stand why people hustle to eat
Cause they don’t get a good education in school so they wild out in the streets
Tranquility, inequality
Lock them all up and throw away the key
Look at our schools they badly in shape
Look at our streets where girls still getting rape
People getting tied with duck tape
Getting there head crush like rough grapes

We got kids sprung out on crack
Soldiers fighting in Iraq
The Klu Klux Klan refusing anything black
And we still don’t know how to act
Sending our young to a war to die
While Americans are dying cause are aids rate getting high
Start to think about the mothers on welfare
The fathers watching their kids die because don’t got no health care
One side rich the other side poor opposite like sand and a tree
But we don’t have nothing to worry about because we the land of the free.

Journal

I grew up in downtown Baltimore off of New Jersey Ave, right in the ghetto, projects or whatever you wanna call it. I was one of the few white girls in my school. I started chillin with my gang friends when I was 9, going on 10. I learned how to shoot a gun when I was 7 and a half. Everyone I hung around was either in a gang, on drugs or on probation. There was few that wasn't. We'd sit on my doorstep hearing shootings, screams, cars squeaking, windows breaking, feet running. Then there's the shoot-bys, drive bys, and then there be the ones who get killed right in front of our faces. The first time I saw it I was terrified. I mean I was there a few hours, then there goes bang bang! But after you see it day in and day out, you get used to it. You know when to duck heads, the whole nine yards, whether it's in house or out house, playing b-ball, beating [people's butts], looking up at the new kids on the block saying, "What you lookin at?", going to school, having people jumped, seeing us come in to school going through medal detectors. Yeah, we did crimes but I never got caught with it. I mean, never and if I did, it was once when I was put on house arrest with an ankle bracelet that had a red light that blinked when you went too far outside. I could go as far as [name withheld] porch which was three houses down. I spent my days with him and everyone. I could go in the middle of the street but not across or it started to blink and my house arrest officer would be notified. I grew up in the projects, then I went to live with my aunt in Pasadena, MD, and I always made my way back there so she had enough and kicked me out and I had been kicked out of schools and they tried to enroll me in an alternative school but I was dealing drugs on the corner by the store and my dad drove by. He saw me and all he said was make my money and come home. Well, I got to go.

I Am Me

I am here
I am visible
I am human
I am here

I was there
I was gone
I was invisible
I was lost

I listen
I speak
I see
I understand

I didn't comprehend
I didn't follow
I didn't have an open mind
I didn't have positivity

I will succeed
I will have a future
I will grow
I will be me

A Young Genuis

A young genius
far from a sucker
but got a lot of feeling
a young genius
born ready
with no fear
a young genius
locked up
losing his mind
going crazy
a young genius
throwing away his talent
but is very smart
and he's going to get it together
so that makes him a young genius
nope
not a young genius

My Big Day

My big day is almost here. They day I get my time. Sometimes I think like I wish I can go back in time and do it all over again. I know I would do the right thing but since I've been here for 4 months I learned everything happens for a reason. If I wouldn't have gotten locked up, I know I would be doing the same negative things. When I be in my cell sometimes I say to myself, "I need a break", but I feel that I'm turning my life around day by day. I'm about to get my GED and get a trade if I can, moreover get in any program I can so I can go home looking forward to something.

Some people look at me as a convicted felon but I don't mind that because I know God's the only one who can judge me so from this day on I'ma try to make every day better than the last.

Dangerous Mind

Dangerous Mind
why do I have a
dangerous mind
all da time
it comes to my mind
to set a crime
but why
why me
it's scary
it's crazy

The Story About Me and My Brother

When I was in a gang, I was doing bad things. Every day I was drinking and smoking weed with my brother. Sometimes me and my brother, we'd sleep at the park because we were so scared cause we were so high and when my dad saw us like that he always called the cops. When the cops were there in my house, me and my brother, we always jumped out the window to not get arrested cause I was on probation and the next day me and my brother and my friends went to rob the store to get money and buy weed and beer and food and we started to run cause he called the cops and one day one of another gang shot us and one of my friends died that day. Then me and my brother we started to change our lives and be good people and three days later my P.O. came to my house and she was telling me that one of my friends died and she told me if I was there then she was going to give me two years, but I told her I wasn't there. The next day I was arrested because one of the police found my weed on my pockets. Then three days later I realized I needed to change my life cause my girlfriend told me that I'm going to be a dad and I was so happy. Three months ago I was doing good and I wasn't doing any drugs or alcohol.

On Identity

My identity would be the total opposite of what the police have in their computers next to my name. I say this because some of the things I do always have a cause. Me, I don't identify my self as a danger to others or to be armed all the time. I don't even see myself as a gang member. When I see myself I think of a positive mind and a caring person but certain things make me mad but I would never show it because the people would try to take advantage and let me mad all the time. I also care about other people's thoughts and what they say. But if I ever do anything wrong it's because I always have a reason or a personal purpose for doing things. I also enjoy reading and being outside all day. I love the sunset too for some weird reason.

An Obstacle I've Overcome

An obstacle that I have struggled with to overcome in my life is when my godfather passed. This certain obstacle was very hard for me to get over because he was more like a father tome that I never had because he had been locked up/detained since I was two months old and wouldn't be home until I was about 14 years old, so my godfather was the only man influence I had. He helped me and my mother with so many things and I felt so close to him because he did such things was bring me, my sister, and my mother into his family, and his house was also another house for us to stay because me and my sister attended a private school that was close to his house from ours. It was also good because he and my mother worked there. She was a childcare teacher and he was a principal and also a middle school teacher. He made me feel like one of his because every where he went we was invited even if he was going out of town. he even traveled with us to New Jersey to see our family and then we would go up to New York to visit some of his relatives. When he died it was very hard for me and my family to get over when he died, which took us a long time to get over. He died when I was thirteen and at that time of my life that was something very hard for me to get over because I was so young. Me and my mother later took therapy to help us. But till this day it still bothers me a little.

A Success I've Achieved

What I think about something successful that I have achieved is becoming a better leader and not to be easily manipulated. when I realized my success was when I realized some of the stuff I did was because of these reasons because back then I wasn't a leader. But once you achieve becoming a leader you figure out how easy followers do what you say so now that I'm older and wiser I could tell people or teach people that they could become better people if they just get the courage and the right mindset to do the right thing instead of just doing something to get other's respect. Now that I am a successful leader, I will try to make others achieve and gain the mindset of a leader.

My Role Model

My favorite person is my father. He's a perfect role model for an honest and hard working man. He's the type who enjoys renting a room from his own money than living in a mansion from stolen money.

He once told me he enjoys things he'd truly earned, not cheated. It makes him feel good. It also keeps his reputation clean. I have to admit I really like that. I'm not going to lie, so I'll say this: I'm not as honest as he is. I just like his views and his own encouragement to himself to keep on going as an honest man.

Also, he is a very smart man. When I was young, younger than I am now, when I used to look up to see my father's face, I asked a lot of questions. Probably more than any other kid. He always answered my questions with explanations. I don't remember him answering, "I don't know." to any of my questions. That was my mother though. She'd mostly say, "I don't know." Later I found out every question's answer is a common sense or a matter of reasoning. That's what he has taught me. that's how he always answers, and he's right all the time--he's just give the most reasonable answer or explanation.

At First

Man, at first I didn't want to listen to anyone, but now I see what everyone is talking about. Fighting, not going to school, 'n all that other bull**** is not where it's at and now I see that. I got 30 days but got to go to court 2 days before I get out and they might give fifteen to thirty more days. Well at least that's all I hope they give me. I got a baby that will be born in early May and I am not trying to be locked up for the birth of my first baby. When I get out I plan to get my [stuff] together and do what I got to do. First I plan to get all these programs done and then get a job, so I can have money to take care of my bills that I got with the courts. I miss my mom and all my girls in my world. I also miss all my goons. I know they thinking about me because all of them was mad when I told them what happened and I was getting locked up, but I hope for the best when I go to court and I love my family back at home.

Life Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be

I ain't really got much to say but I don't want to be here. Life is not all it's cracked up to be. I already know my mom don't care; she just want money so forget her. That's how I feel, like the girl I talk to and people on the street care more than she do. She could have taken me home yesterday but she said no. That made it all come to the clean air in the courthouse that she don't give a real care about me so when I get out I'm do me even harder than before like it's no tomorrow. Now I see I should have stayed with my dad and listened. But at all times I will always love my mom.

Missing Family

I've always wondered why my parents had to die the way they did, because I wanted them to live long enough that they'll see me graduate from middle school, high school and my college graduation. I wanted them to be there so every time I do something wrong they can correct me from doing that again. I wanted them to be here so I don't have to be in the situation I'm in now. I feel like I'm alone here in my family and like they're the ones to help me be successful in life, and that's why I always think why did my parents have to die the way they did.

What Is Life?

What is life
life is to live it
wise and enjoy it
if you have a dream
go for it
Mistakes are not all bad
because life goes on like
a beat of a drum
life will go by
faster than a blink
of an eye
then you're just dead

Day Dreaming...

Sitting in English class, the sun
shines bright through the window.
My thoughts and mind seem to fade
away. Wishing I was outside these
walls. All I see is bricks; yet I feel
there's no way out. I wake up happy
from a dream, yet I realize where I am
and my heart seems to fall apart.
I wish I was there maybe anywhere yet
I'm stuck in this little square. I see
why the caged bird sings. Same old
things every day, nuffin new, so I just
sit and pray. I day dream of a better
day and a path to find my way.
Feel so sad but I can't be mad, I found this
way so I here today. the time's a
ticking yet I see no clock.

When Death Comes

When death comes, I'll pay my dues
I will not be scared
Just let the blackness devour me
let a last image come to my eyes of
my family
not seeing them from above instead
I'll see them from under the
cold hard cement

Jazz

Teacher's Note: This is from an imaginative prompt we did listening to some Duke Ellington during the start of a unit on the Harlem Renaissance.

Jazz is to relax
listen and let your
imagination run wild
it sounds like they having
fun with life
dancing spinning
with lights around and
the rhythm all around you

Costa Rica and the Dominican Republic

I am from Virginia but my parents are from the Dominican Republic. While I was locked up, my dad took my brother to the Dominican Republic and I was mad because I could have went. I hear in the Dominican Republic that kids under 18 are allowed to smoke and drink because the cops don't care. Say if a cop saw a 12 year old smoking, the cop would just walk up to him and say, "Le me have one." Also, say if you have chickens and pigs in your backyard, and you want to make chicken, you just go in the backyard, grab a chicken by its neck and snap it. Then they cut off the head. And my brother says that there are wild dogs walking around everywhere. And they are not like dogs here, where a dog would run up to you and lick you. Over there if you get too close to a dog it would run away. In Costa Rica it's sort of like the Dominican Republic. Houses over in Costa Rica are better looking and cheaper than houses over there. You can buy a big house with a lot of acres for about $65, 000. Also if you want to hire a carpenter, it's really cheap. All the material goes into the house. Say the house was $100,000. You just pay him like $10,000 for the work. I am also mad because while I was in here I was going to go to Florida to see my cousins with my aunt but I couldn't because I was sent here. I am also from a place where there are drugs, alcohol and fighting. There is fighting every so often but drugs is like an every day thing. One time there was a huge fight in my neighborhood. There were these two different gangs fighting, there were guns being shot, people getting stabbed, people getting hit with bats and people just really getting their [butts] beat. Most of the people were sent to the hospital and the others were arrested. When I saw this big fight, I was surprised because I had just come out of my house and I wanted to know how it started. I remember this because it was a pretty big fight and also whenever I start to write, I start to remember things that I forgot a long time ago and then I just start to write what I remembered.

Reading in Jail

When I come to JDC every time I read lots and lots of books. I've read 12 chapter books in the last 2 weeks. That is a big step for me because when I am free I never read and if I do read, then I can't comprehend it. I can read it over and over and I just won't understand it. I do like that I read so easily and pronounce almost all of the words correctly without stuttering. I've always been able to read well and it's weird because I never remember practicing. It's like I was blessed to read by the grace of God. It's like a gift or a natural ability. The thing that I like most about books is when I'm in my cell I guess they make me forget that I am locked up all together.

Family

I've always wondered why my parents had to die the way they did, because I wanted them to live long enough that they'll see me graduated from middle school, high school, and my college graduation. I wanted them to be there so every time I do something wrong, they can correct me from doing that again. I wanted them to be here so I don't have to be in the situation I'm in now. And now I feel like I'm alone here in my family and like they're the ones to help me to be successful in life, and that's why I always think why my parents had to die the way they did.

Courage

Teacher's Note: This was in response to the prompt of Amelia Earhart's famous quote, "Courage is the price life exacts for granting peace."

I woke up this morning with this word--courage--in my heart. Everybody needs somebody who will be there, someone to wipe the tears and make you smile, and if you need someone who will not judge you when you fall, no matter what you have done, my courage will answer when you call. So after your friends have walked away and run out of words to say, after you tried everything else, then try courage. Even though others hurt you and sometimes call you names, your courage is unconditional. That means that it will never ever change. So after the wind has blown and done and you still won't turn blue and you are not sure about what to do, let courage come!

Where I'm Going

Where I'm from the only thing people know is lie, cheat and steal and kill.

Where I'm from my brother and sisters are scared to reach success.

Where I'm from people say you a man when you go to jail.

Where I'm from it's like us soldiers dieing in the Iraq field.

Where I'm from is called the ghetto.

But you know what? It really doesn't matter where I'm come from it's about where I am going.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Teacher's Note: This is from 10/0/2008. The author recently requested its addition to our blog.

Sorry, Dad. Happy 45th birthday. I'm sorry I'm in here. Wish I was there to say happy birthday. But I'm not. I hope you have a great one and sorry again.

Sirens and Jokes

Where I'm From...

Where I'm from you hear sirens at night
Where I'm from there is no life
Where I'm from your heart beats
when you scared where I'm from
I might just run where I'm from
you won't get saved where I'm from
you can say I'm brave.

Where I'm from
we sit on the porch and crack jokes
like its a sport
where I'm from.
We have fun at night
where I'm from the summer's bright
where I'm from you can't go wrong.
That is why were I'm from is like
a song.

I'm From Light

I'm from light.
I'm from pain.
I'm from love.
I'm from family.
I'm from Evil.
I'm from good.
I'm from dreams that never could.
I'm from doubters.
I'm from Haters.
I'm from Me who really made it.

Point Guard

If you knew me, you would know that I play point guard for Ballou Senior High School, and I also run for my school track team. I really don't like to be locked up cause I'm an outside person. The last thing I want to say is that I go home tomorrow on Feb. 7, and Ima live my life!

A Place I Call Home

Where I'm from is a place I call home. Where I'm from is where you become an adult at the age of eleven, where kids smoke and drink all day, and where at 13 most kids are facing murder charges. Where I'm from is a place that I wish to leave to become a better me ;where I'm from girls become pregnant at juvenile ages and kids give up on life while still in elementary. Where I'm from all the kids I know of have been to jail or to prison and mostly all the kids expect to go to a facility at an early age. Where I'm from no one takes any lip and everyone is shown respect and loyalty but where I'm from all kids wish to leave and become a better me and to leave the hell we live in. Where I'm from all kids wish they had the opportunity that most kids throw away. Where I'm from we all want to take our families to a better place, where everyone awakes to a brighter future and the district police don't bother us and no helicopters fly above.

The Blink of An Eye

Where I'm from...
Everybody has different opinions because what part they are from. Where I'm from anything can happen in a blink of an eye...here and gone. Where I'm from you grow up early because of what you see everyday. Where I'm from you learn to mind your own business because you could die for minding some else's. Where I'm from you see more people locked up than in church. Where I'm from it is a code you live by: Don't Rat, Don't Snitch, Don't Bend, Don't Fold.

Where I'm From

Where I'm from is so different from this country because in my country is like more freedom but is a lot of poor people and there are a lot of homeless on the streets and violence everywhere so that you can't take a walk in the night by your own neighborhood because they'd rob you of everything you have in your pocket and sometimes when they like your clothes, they take it from you, even the boxers, so they send you home naked, but the good thing about my country is the temperature is always warm and you can go to the beaches on everyday of the year. I like going to the beach because once you get there you are gonna see people playing "soccer beach" and you are gonna see some little stores, where they are selling seafood.

A Fresh Start

I go home in a couple of days. I'm off to a fresh start of life. I am turning 18 on Jan 30, the day I go home. I plan to get a job or maybe go off to college. Itz been a hard five years on probation; now I'm off when I get out. This was not meant for me to be in here. All cause what somebody say. I never thought I'd be falsely accused of something I did not do. It took 30 dayz of my life I can't get back. I miss my new year and everything. I guess things happen for a reason. I just maintain in here and hope not to see the Big House. My family misses me, my girl, and now they know I did not do anything. It sucks being in here. I'm a grown man now coming soon.

Going Home

It's funny--sometimes it feels I'm never going to get to go home because they keep on telling me a date and when that date comes I don't find myself getting prepared to go home but I find myself looking at the same four walls that I've been staring at the past eight months.

How to Learn Worse Stuff

I don't understand whey "they" can just hand out time for the stupidest stuff. By "they", I mean the judges, prosecutors, and P.O.s. whey they should just be like, "OK, so he smokes, he doesn't need 30 days wasted off his life for that." So what if I smoke a jay, nobody died today, nobody got robbed, stabbed, raped. So what give them the right to send you to group homes and detention centers where all the real criminals are. I mean since I've been on probation, I've met more robbers, drug dealers, and gang members that when I was walking the streets. It just doesn't make sense. Juvie is more like a school to learn how to do worse stuff than a place to make you change.

Two and a Half Months of My Life in JDC

Every day was the same day with the different moments of stress. I could have been making two hundred a week if I was around my sweet home, the two months took everything from me, such as family, money, education and loved ones. Every day felt like a year. I tried so hard to not put my hands on fellow inmates cause I understood it would have been much sever consequences for my unplanned actions. The only profit I gained was reading books, staying true to Allah, and also gaining weight, which I found out it was all muscle by the end of my time. The only thing I appreciated and will remember their words for the rest of my life would be my great teachers and also the great preaching of my staff. Their words changed a lot of my bad thoughts and actions. Thanks to my teachers and my few staff.

Leaving a Good Mark

Jan 29--A few days before I go downstate. But I'm writing to ya'll because I want to leave a good mark about me. I want ya'll to know just because ya'll are locked up, don't stop dreaming or wishing. Every day I think about how I done [messed] up my like because I wanted to rob someone. It's not worth spending your life in cages. That's what a cell is really. When I got locked up I lost everything but family.

Your Friends Are Your Consequences

Man, they pushed my court date back 21 days! I wanna go home because I miss my mother. She came by yesterday and we reminisced about the past. My good and bad times. My mother, along with Mr. Boone, were very right about who your friends are. My quote for today: "Your friends are your consequences."

Personal Reflection

I sure am tired of getting incarcerated. This is my last chance to do the right thing in the community. When I got to court on Feb. 4, the judge is either going to let me go home or put me in the New Beginnings program. I really don't want to go upstairs (New Beginnings). The judge has given me so many chances that I am starting to think that I can't stay out of trouble. I'm so tired of making my mother cry. Honestly, I don't think that she was a bad mother, but I'm starting to think I'm a bad son. I get a personal phone call today and I will finally get a chance to talk to my probation officer. I saw my social worker and she said that he told her I have a 50/50 chance of going home. I really hope I get to go home and show everyone especially my mom how good I can do. I don't know what to say to my probation officer because every time I get locked up I talk about how I'm going to turn over a new leaf and then a month later, here I am in Ms. Duckworth's class. I can't stand waiting even one more minute to talk to my probation officer to hear his recommendation for court. I really hope he will give me another chance at freedom. Plus, when I get out of JDC [Juvenile Detention Center] I don't even think I will be allowed to go back to my school and see all my friends. I have to go talk to Dr. Jointer (the superintendent of Alexandria City Public Schools). I'm supposed to talk to him and Feb 9. I really want to go home. In September I will be on my way to Virginia Beach to get my G.E.D. My social worker said that as long as I don't have any outstanding felonies I will be accepted to the program. It's on a military base so I think I have to cut my hair. I really don't want to cut my hair.

A Day On Jan 21st

On Jan 21st, I was detained at the Northern VA Detention Home, until my next court date on Feb. 4, for sentence. My lawyer said I shouldn't do no longer than the first week of March and I really hope so because I really need to get home with my family so I can get a job and teach my little sister the right thing. I need to get my education and stay on track and learn to love myself. I miss my family. I want to do good for my family and do better for the one that looks up to me.

I'm finally going home!!! =)

Today I’m super excited!!! I’m finally going home after a month and some change!!! I can’t even express how excited I am to be able to go outside, go back to my school, be able to talk to my friends, and see my family!!! The only thing that would make my day better would be if I could stay home for at least two days, to move my stuff from my old house into my granddads house, wash my clothes, wash my hair with my own shampoo and conditioner, not just some soapy stuff that dries out my hair and makes it fall out, wash my body with my own soap, not some cheap soap that dries out my skin, use my own lotion that soothes my skin and moisturizes it, and not some watery lotion that doesn’t do anything, use my own toothbrush, and toothpaste, that actually cleans, brightens and actually kills bacteria and makes your breath smell good, and not some nasty minty flavored paste that says toothpaste on the tube, and to actually be able to floss my teeth, and finally, be able to sleep in and finally, be able to sleep in my bed!!!!! I cant wait to be able to snuggle with all my teddy bears, and with my favorite pillow and blanket, and sleep with the new fluffy fuzzy tweety bird pajama pants my aunt bought me for Christmas, and be warm, and not have any lights on at all, just have it pitch black, not having to wake up to somebody kicking my mat to wake me up, but to the sound of the music of my alarm clock. I can’t wait to use my own brush, and use hair ties instead of rubber bands that pull out my hair and make it tangled and everything. I want to check my myspace, listen to slipknot, disturbed, F.O.B (fall out boy), I.C.P (insane clown posse), breaking Benjamin, three days grace, guns n’ roses, ac/dc, lynard skynard, All of my favorite bands, because I haven’t been able to listen to rock, or heavy metal, besides like one song, or when Ms. Chukwu lets us listen to music in her class. Over all, I just can’t wait to go home!!!!!!! This time, I’m going to keep my head up, and not listen to nobody except my authorities, my first instincts, and god. That way, I’m positive I can achieve everything I need to, to get off of probation and get my life going good again.

MY NEPHEW AND MY BOYFRiEND!!!

My Nephew

I miss my nephew so much.
I take care of my nephew all the time.
And I’m in here and I need to be home watching my nephew grow.
He’s 1 years old.
His dad is incarcerated and his dad isn’t coming home any time soon and I really need to be home with him
I miss changing his diapers.
Giving him baths and teaching him how to talk.
My nephew loves to talk to his dad on the phone and say bye-bye and dada.
And my nephew loves me. When he comes over my house the whole time he’s with his auntie and that’s me...
My parents get mad because he never wants to go to them...
After a while it’s hard to look at my nephew because he looks just like my brother.
And I miss my brother as well...
When me, my sister-in-law, and my nephew go to visit my brother my nephew always puts his hands on the glass and tries to open the glass to free my brother and he starts to cry when it doesn’t open..
I miss my nephew and I need to be home…







I Miss Him

I miss you so much.
I miss us talking on the phone.
I miss us joning and having fun.
I miss us talking about how you’re so cool with my uncle.
I miss you so much and it hurts me to see that we’re both in the same place.
It doesn’t make any since at all..
We’re both better than this and we can get through this..
If we do the right thing always and never get caught slippin we should make this through…
You always told me to go to school and do the right thing.
You always told me to make my curfew.
Don’t smoke and do things that I would regret.
You always told me the right thing to do.
When I saw that we were in the same place it really hurt me but everybody messes up every once in a while…
But you can never mess up so bad that you end up in jail…
Long story short is that I L-O-V-E YOU….
And when we get out we have to improve so the both of us will be successful…
And won’t end up back in jail…..

Fear of the Dark

Fear of the Dark
1.15.09


It’s just a feeling I get… sometimes…
A feeling, sometimes
And I get frightened
Just like you… I get frightened too
Because the voices past with time
And the pitch black darkness engulfs me, swallows me in
Inside clutches of Fear and Pain
Expanding my pupils to adjust to the dark
But it’s just ever growing blackness
It just keeps getting darker
Pulling me down, pulling me in
The pit and creases of my brain
It crevasses in the murkiest corners of my mind
Lurking in the darkness with yellow glowing eyes
Glinting with insatiable hunger
With an icy cold whisper from the WindSends shivers down my spine
Because I have fear of the dark
Just a phobia that something’s always there
Watching, waiting, hunting, raging upon me
My heart beats like the loneliest metronome
Crawling with slimy, bony fingers up my throat
Choking, suffocating me.
It dissipates as I espied a gleam trodden to Earth
Moaning and howling in agony
It dissolves and intertwines with the voice of the Wind
Fragments, just little particles of what used to be
Not even there.
But as Night creeps up again, It will rebuild itself
To haunt me again.

My Life On Probation

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOW AND WHY I GOT ON PROBATION. ALSO WHAT HAS IT DONE TO ME ALL THIS TIME SINCE I'VE BEEN GROWING UP. OK THIS IS A TRUE STORY, BOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.

WELL ON SEPTEMBER 15, 2005, I WAS OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND WE WERE HANGING OUT, THEN LATER THAT DAY, WE MET UP WITH SOME OTHER FRIENDS. WHEN WE GOT THERE THEY WAS SMOKING AND DRINKING. THEY OFFERED ME DRINKS AT FIRST, AND I WAS LIKE NA I'M GOOD.THIS WAS BOUT 4 P.M. I DIDN'T WANT TO DRINK BECAUSE I HAD NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE. EVERY ONE THERE WAS DRINKING SO I WAS LIKE OH WHAT EVER LET ME GET ONE. WHEN I FINISH I FELT THE SAME. SO I KEPT DRINKING TILL I SAW EVERYTHING SPINNING AROUND IN CIRCLES. I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT I WOULD BE BACK. ONE OF MY FRIENDS CAME WITH ME. WHEN WE GOT ON THE BUS IT FELT LIKE EVERYTHING WAS GOING BY QUICK. WHEN I MADE IT HOME AT LIKE 7:30 P.M., MY MOMS WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM WATCHING T.V. WHEN I SAW HER I GOT SO PARANOID THAT I TURNED AROUND AND WENT INTO THE KITCHEN TO GET SOME WATER. THEN I HEADED TO MY ROOM. WHEN I WAS GOING PAST HER I TRIED MY BEST TO WALK STRAIGHT. I TURNED AND LOOKED AT HER, AND SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME IN A WEIRD WAY. MY FRIEND WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME, SO I WAS LIKE MOM THIS IS MY FRIEND. SHE SAID OK, SO I WENT ON INTO MY ROOM AND CLOSED THE DOOR.

ALL I REMEMBER IS TELLING MY FRIEND TO SET MY ALARM CLOCK AT 9:45 P.M. SO THAT WE CAN HEAD BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE MY FRIENDS WERE AT. WHEN I WOKE UP I WASHED MY FACE, I WAS LIKE STILL DIZZY WHICH MEANT THAT I WAS STILL KINDA DRUNK. I LEFT TO GO CATCH THE BUS BACK, BUT BEFORE I LEFT I ASKED MY DAD FOR HIS CELL PHONE. HE GAVE IT TO ME. WHEN I GOT THERE I STARTED TO DRINK SOME MORE. LATER AT NIGHT MY CELLPHONE KEPT RINGING AND RINGING. BUT I DIDN’T PICK UP. LATER BOUT 1:30 A.M. PEOPLE AT THE PLACE STARTED TO FIGHT, SO I DECIDED TO LEAVE. I WAS SO DRUNK THAT I KEPT FALLING. I WAS TRIPPING AND STUMBLING. BUT I MADE IT HOME SAFE. MY FRIEND LEFT AT THE BUS STOP BECAUSE HE HAD TO GET HOME

WHEN I GOT HOME MY MOM WAS CRYING, WITH MY LITTLE SISTER AND AUNT. NEXT DAY I WOKE UP WITH A MAD HANG OVER, I HAD LOTS OF CUTS AND BRUISES ON MY ARMS. MY SISTER SAID THAT I FELL DOWN WHEN I WAS COMING IN THE HOUSE. I DIDN’T REMEMBER NOTHING.